Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer.
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, It’s over and I am leaving.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Believe me, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s definitely true that you & I have been married for the past 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my TV shows so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, although that doesn’t seem to work.
I definitely noticed your haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ And since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I decided not to comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 long years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could make this work. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!
Please share this story with your friends and family if you think it was funny.
My neighbors reached out to complain about my in-laws’ behavior – so I gave them permission to put them in their place
“Me neither,” I replied, squeezing his hand. “It’s going to be amazing.”
We had called his parents, Miriam and Richard, over to share the news.
When they arrived, I could see the curiosity in their eyes.
“What’s this big news you have for us?” Miriam asked, settling into her favorite chair.
David took a deep breath. “I got the project. We’re moving to California for a month.”
Miriam’s face lit up. “That’s wonderful, David! But what about the house? You can’t just leave it empty.”
Richard nodded. “She’s right. Houses need looking after.”
I glanced at David, who gave me a reassuring smile. “We were hoping you could help with that,” he said.
Miriam’s eyes sparkled with excitement. “Oh, we’d love to! Right, Richard?”
“Absolutely,” Richard agreed.
“Thank you so much,” I said. “That would be very helpful.”
David seemed relieved. “Great, it’s settled then.”
But as we started to pack up our things, I couldn’t shake the feeling of unease.
Miriam and Richard had a habit of overstepping boundaries, and I worried about what they might do while we were away.
The next morning, David and I loaded the last of our bags into the car. Miriam and Richard stood by, ready to take over.
“Don’t worry about a thing,” Miriam said. “We’ve got it all under control.”
I forced another smile. “Thanks, Miriam. We really appreciate it.”
David hugged his parents goodbye. “Take care of yourselves and the house,” he said.
Richard gave me a firm handshake. “You two enjoy your adventure. We’ll keep everything in order here.”
As we drove away, I couldn’t help but feel a knot in my stomach. “Are you sure this is a good idea?” I asked David.
“It’ll be fine, Michelle,” he said, glancing at me. “They mean well.”
I nodded, trying to convince myself. “I know. It’s just…”
“I understand,” he said, squeezing my hand. “But this is a great opportunity for us. And we’re going to enjoy our time in California, okay?”
I took a deep breath and pushed my worries aside. “You’re right. Let’s focus on the adventure ahead.”
But despite my efforts to focus on our new adventure, the unease from leaving our house in Miriam and Richard’s hands lingered.
A week into our stay in California, I received a call from Alice, our close neighbor.
“Hey, Michelle,” Alice started, her voice hesitant. “I need to tell you something about your in-laws.”
My heart sank. “What did they do, Alice?”
She took a deep breath. “Miriam threw away your purple curtains.”
“What?” I felt a surge of anger. “Those were my favorite!”
“There’s more,” Alice continued. “She also scolded me for wearing a top and shorts in my own backyard.”
I clenched my fist. “That’s so intrusive. She has no right!”
“And,” Alice hesitated again, “I saw her throwing away some of your clothes.”
Chills ran down my spine. “What? She did what?”
“I’m so sorry, Michelle. Tom and I want to help. We can talk to Miriam and Richard and put them in their place.”
I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. “Thank you, Alice. I appreciate it. Please, do what you can. They need to understand boundaries.”
“What’s wrong?” David asked as he entered the room.
“Miriam threw away my curtains and some of my clothes. She even scolded Alice for her outfit in her own yard.”
“What? Mom did that? This is too much. We need to call them.”
“Let’s wait,” I said. “Alice and Tom are going to talk to them first.”
“Alright, but if this doesn’t stop, we’re calling them ourselves.”
“They need to learn that they can’t just do whatever they want,” I said, nodding.
As I ended the call with Alice, I felt a sense of resolve. Miriam and Richard were going to learn the hard way that their behavior was unacceptable.
I anxiously waited for Alice’s call to update me on their talk with Miriam and Richard. When my phone finally rang, I answered immediately.
“Michelle, it’s Alice. We talked to them, but Miriam just brushed it off. We need to take this further.”
I took a deep breath. “Alright, what’s the plan?”
“We’ll gather the neighbors,” Alice said. “Let’s have a video call to discuss it.”
An hour later, I sat at my laptop, connecting to a video call with Alice, Tom, Brian, Ellen, and Honor. Everyone looked serious and ready to help.
“Thanks for joining,” I began. “Miriam’s crossed the line. We need to show her boundaries.”
Brian nodded. “What can we do?”
Alice leaned in. “Miriam’s planning a barbecue this weekend. I say we crash it.”
Tom grinned. “Sounds good. How?”
“Everyone wears Hawaiian shorts,” Alice suggested, her eyes twinkling. “And we bring tuna pies — Miriam hates them.”
Ellen laughed. “That’ll definitely make a statement.”
“Make it fun and loud,” I added, feeling a mix of excitement and nerves. “Show them what real boundaries are.”
Honor nodded. “Count me in.”
We spent the next hour planning every detail. Everyone had a role, from baking the pies to finding the brightest Hawaiian shorts!
Before we ended the call, Brian clapped his hands together. “This is going to be epic.”
“Remember,” I said, trying to sound confident, “the goal is to reclaim my home, not start a war.”
Alice smiled. “We’ve got this, Michelle. They won’t know what hit them.”
Just when I hung up, David returned from grocery shopping. “We have a plan,” I explained, detailing everything.
He listened quietly and sighed. “I feel bad it’s come to this. They’re my parents, after all.”
“I know,” I said gently. “But they need to learn they can’t do whatever they want.”
He nodded slowly. “You’re right. I just wish it didn’t have to be this way.”
“I understand,” I replied. “But it’s the only way to reclaim our home.”
David managed a small smile. “Alright. Let’s see how it goes.”
That weekend, I traveled back home, determined to handle the situation in person.
Soon, the day of the barbecue arrived, and Miriam’s loud invitations gave Alice the perfect opportunity to overhear. I waited anxiously nearby, ready for the call.
Soon enough, my phone rang. “Michelle, they’re here,” Honor said. “It’s time.”
“On my way,” I replied, taking a deep breath and heading to our backyard.
As I approached, I saw the neighbors in their bright Hawaiian shorts, carrying tuna pies and ready to party. Miriam and Richard stood there, shocked and outraged.
“What is this? You can’t be here!” Miriam snapped at them.
Alice stepped forward, unfazed. “We’re here to enjoy the barbecue, Miriam.”
Miriam’s face turned red. “I’m calling the police! You can’t just crash my party like that.”
Honor quickly called me. “Michelle, it’s time.”
I entered the backyard, feeling a surge of determination. “Miriam,” I began, “you’ve crossed the line. So I think I should be the one calling the cops.”
Miriam glared at me. “How dare you speak to me like this in front of everyone! This is unacceptable! Did you plan all of this?”
“Unacceptable,” I said firmly, “is you changing the curtains, making inappropriate remarks to my neighbors, and throwing away my clothes! My neighbors will stay at this party, and you will serve them barbecue. Then, you’ll pay me for the things you threw away. Otherwise, I’ll call the police for damaging my property at MY home.”
Miriam’s facade crumbled as she stood speechless, her face red with anger and disbelief.
“You can’t do this,” she sputtered.
“You have a choice,” I said, holding my ground. “Comply or face the consequences.”
The neighbors watched, some smiling, others nodding in agreement. Richard, realizing the gravity of the situation, gently tugged her arm.
“We should just do what she says,” Richard said quietly. “Let’s not make this worse.”
Miriam looked around, seeing the determination on my face and the support from the neighbors. She finally nodded, defeated. “Fine,” she muttered.
With no choice, Miriam served the barbecue with a forced smile while the neighbors enjoyed the party. The atmosphere was lively and joyous, with music playing and everyone having a good time.
I was glad that I had reclaimed my home and set the boundaries clear. It wasn’t just about the curtains or the clothes — it was about respect and understanding. And we had made that crystal clear.
Do you think we did the right thing?
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