According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
Boy Transforms Old Lady’s Home for Halloween – Her Heartwarming Reaction Will Melt You
Kevin had already made his Halloween costume with his mom and helped his dad decorate their house. He was excited about how much candy he would collect. But one house on his street didn’t have any decorations, and that kept bothering him. He didn’t understand why someone wouldn’t celebrate Halloween, so he thought maybe they needed help.
Halloween was almost here, and the entire neighborhood was buzzing with excitement. Every yard seemed to be trying to be the scariest one around.
There were pumpkins with big, jagged smiles all along the sidewalks. Plastic skeletons hung from tree branches, and fake cobwebs covered porches.
The air smelled like dry leaves and candy, and eleven-year-old Kevin could feel his heart racing with excitement.
Halloween was Kevin’s favorite day of the year, a time when anyone could be whatever they wanted. He loved how everything changed for that one magical night.
As he walked down the street, he smiled, looking at the glowing jack-o’-lanterns and spooky ghosts decorating the houses. Some homes even played creepy sounds like witches’ laughter and creaking doors.
But something different caught his eye as he went farther down the street. One house was dark and plain, with no decorations at all. It was Mrs. Kimbly’s house.
Mrs. Kimbly was an older woman who lived alone. Kevin had helped her before, mowing her lawn in summer and shoveling snow in winter, but she rarely said much. Her undecorated house seemed out of place in the festive neighborhood.
Kevin felt bad that her house had no Halloween spirit. He thought maybe she needed help with the decorations. Determined, he crossed the street and knocked on her door.
When Mrs. Kimbly answered, her face showed annoyance. “What do you want, Kevin?” she asked in a gruff voice.
“I noticed you don’t have any Halloween decorations. I could help you put some up, if you’d like,” Kevin offered.
Mrs. Kimbly frowned. “I don’t need decorations, and I don’t need help,” she said sharply before slamming the door.
Kevin was surprised. How could anyone hate Halloween so much? He didn’t want her house to be a target for pranks, like kids throwing toilet paper, so he came up with a plan.
At home, Kevin told his mom, Sarah, about Mrs. Kimbly’s undecorated house and how she had slammed the door in his face. His mom suggested leaving her alone, explaining that people might have reasons for not celebrating.
But Kevin didn’t think Mrs. Kimbly hated Halloween—she seemed lonely. So, he decided to help anyway.
He gathered all the Halloween decorations he could find, including his favorite pumpkin, and hurried back to Mrs. Kimbly’s house. He carefully hung lights and placed pumpkins on her porch. As he finished, the front door opened, and Mrs. Kimbly stormed out, furious.
“I told you not to decorate my house!” she yelled. She grabbed Kevin’s carved pumpkin and smashed it on the ground. Kevin was shocked and hurt, but he whispered, “I just wanted to help,” before running home.
That night, Kevin put on his vampire costume, but he couldn’t enjoy Halloween. He was worried about Mrs. Kimbly’s house being pranked. So, he returned to her house and sat on her porch, handing out candy from his own bag to trick-or-treaters, explaining that Mrs. Kimbly wasn’t home.
As he sat alone, the door creaked open. Mrs. Kimbly stepped out, her expression softer this time.
“What are you doing here, Kevin?” she asked quietly.
“I didn’t want anyone to mess with your house,” Kevin explained. “I thought I could help.”
Mrs. Kimbly sighed and sat beside him. She admitted that Halloween was hard for her because it reminded her of how alone she was. She had no family to share it with.
Kevin understood now. “You don’t have to be alone,” he said. “You can celebrate with the rest of us.”
Mrs. Kimbly smiled sadly and thanked Kevin for his kindness. She even apologized for smashing his pumpkin. Kevin promised to bring another one so they could carve it together.
For the first time in years, Mrs. Kimbly felt the warmth of Halloween again, thanks to the caring heart of one determined boy.
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