According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
My MIL ‘Kindly’ Threw a Surprise Dinner Party on Having Our Newborn – What She Did at the End Made Me Go Pale
My MIL ‘Kindly’ Threw a Surprise Dinner Party on Having Our Newborn – What She Did at the End Made Me Go Pale
When Karen threw a lavish birthday bash, she never expected her own extravagant celebration to backfire. But when her son and daughter-in-law turned the tables, the party’s final twist revealed more than just the evening’s costs, exposing long-hidden family tensions.
Woman with her baby | Source: Pexels
I gave birth to our first baby, a beautiful little girl named Emma. It was a tough labor, but the joy of holding my daughter for the first time made everything worth it. On the day of discharge, my mother-in-law, Karen, met us with her hands full of gifts. She said she prepared a surprise for us at home.
Although I was exhausted from the complicated labor, I agreed. I didn’t want to neglect her efforts. We came home and saw a fancy party with food from an expensive catering service and luxurious decorations.
A party | Source: Pexels
My jaw dropped. I was pleasantly shocked, wondering how much money she spent. We thought the meals and supplies were kind gestures because my in-laws are loaded with money, and we never asked for anything.
As the evening wound down, Karen approached us with a smirk. “I hope you enjoyed the party,” she began. “Now, let’s talk about settling the bill. I’ve tallied everything up, and it comes to $4,000. You can transfer the money to my account by the end of the week.”
Elderly lady | Source: Pexels
I was speechless. My husband, Jake, was equally stunned. He managed to ask, “What are you talking about? We thought this was a gift.”
Karen’s smile never wavered. “Oh, it was. A gift of my time and effort. You didn’t expect all this for free, did you? My sister threw a similar party for her granddaughter, and I can’t look bad in front of the family. So, it’s only fair you cover the costs.”
Shocked woman with green eyes | Source: Pexels
Jake looked at me, and I could see the anger in his eyes. “This is insane, Mom. We just had a baby. We don’t have that kind of money lying around.”
Karen shrugged. “Well, that’s not my problem. You two are adults now. It’s time to take responsibility.”
Jake clenched his fists. “You know what, Mom? This isn’t fair. We never asked for this party. We never agreed to pay for it.”
Angry frustrated man | Source: Pexels
Karen sighed, her smile fading. “I thought you’d be more grateful. But fine, if that’s how you feel. Just know that everyone in the family is expecting you to step up.”
I squeezed Jake’s hand, trying to calm him down. “Let’s just talk about this later,” I said softly. “We’re too tired to deal with this right now.”
Elderly lady smirks | Source: Pexels
Karen raised an eyebrow. “Don’t think you can just ignore this. I want that money by the end of the week.”
We nodded, and she left, leaving us in the middle of the extravagant decorations. I looked around, feeling the weight of the situation sink in. “What are we going to do?” I whispered.
Couple in front of the window | Source: Pexels
Jake shook his head. “We’ll figure something out. But first, let’s get some rest. We need to think clearly.”
That night, as we lay in bed, we talked about Karen’s outrageous demand. “She’s always been like this,” Jake said. “Always trying to control everything. But this is too much.”
Couple in bed | Source: Pexels
I nodded. “We need to set boundaries. This isn’t just about us anymore. It’s about Emma too.”
Jake agreed. “We can’t let her walk all over us. But we need to be smart about it. We can’t afford a fight right now.”
I thought for a moment. “Maybe there’s a way to teach her a lesson. Something that will make her realize she can’t manipulate us like this.”
Woman in bed looks at the camera | Source: Pexels
Jake looked at me curiously. “What do you have in mind?”
I smiled. “Let’s just say, she won’t see it coming.”
Jake grinned. “I’m in. Whatever it takes.”
Man looks to the side while a woman sleeps next to him | Source: Pexels
As we drifted off to sleep, I felt a sense of determination. Karen might think she can control us, but she has another thing coming. We’re going to show her that we’re not pushovers.
Our lives had changed with Emma’s arrival, and it was time for a new beginning. One where we stood up for ourselves and our family. And Karen was about to learn that the hard way.
Woman and her baby on the beach | Source: Pexels
A few months later, Karen organized a grand birthday party for herself. She loved to show off her wealth and status. She spared no expense, hiring a top-tier event planner, booking a fancy venue, and inviting everyone she knew. It was the perfect opportunity for our revenge.
The party was in full swing, and Karen was basking in the attention. My husband and I mingled with the guests, making sure everyone was having a good time. Then, as the evening was winding down, we decided it was time to strike.
Man toasting | Source: Pexels
My husband stood up and clinked his glass, drawing everyone’s attention. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he began, “I want to thank you all for coming to celebrate my mother’s birthday. It’s been a wonderful evening, and I’m sure we all appreciate the effort she’s put into making this event so special.”
Karen beamed, soaking up the applause.
Stylish elderly lady | Source: Pexels
“And to show our gratitude,” my husband continued, “we’ve decided to do something special for her. Given how much effort and money she spent organizing such a grand event, we thought it would be appropriate for everyone to contribute to the costs. After all, it’s only fair we share the burden of such an elaborate celebration.”
Karen’s smile froze, and a murmur of confusion spread through the crowd. “What are you talking about?” she asked, trying to keep her voice steady.
Shocked elderly woman | Source: Pexels
I stood up beside my husband. “Well, Mom, you taught us the importance of sharing the costs for special events. Just like the party you threw for us when our daughter was born, we believe it’s only fair that everyone pitches in.”
We handed out envelopes to the guests, each containing a suggested contribution amount based on the estimated costs we had gathered. The guests, though initially bewildered, started to nod in agreement, some even laughing at the irony of the situation.
Money envelope | Source: Pexels
Karen was livid but couldn’t say anything without exposing her own hypocrisy. She was trapped. If she refused the contributions, she would have to explain why she demanded money from us in the first place. If she accepted, her reputation would take a hit.
One guest, Mr. Thompson, chuckled. “Well, Karen, you did set the standard with that lovely party for your granddaughter. It’s only fair we help out.”
Crown toasting | Source: Pexels
Another guest, Mrs. Davis, smiled. “Yes, Karen. We wouldn’t want you to bear all the costs alone. It’s the least we can do.”
Karen forced a smile, her eyes narrowing. “I appreciate the sentiment, but really, it’s not necessary.”
Jake shook his head. “No, Mom. It’s only right. We wouldn’t want you to feel unappreciated.”
Angry elderly woman | Source: Pexels
Karen looked around, realizing she was cornered. “Very well,” she said through gritted teeth. “If everyone insists.”
We watched as the guests began to place their contributions in the envelopes, chatting and laughing. Karen’s face was a mask of barely contained rage. She was livid but couldn’t say anything without looking bad.
Angry Karen with a cake | Source: Midjourney
After the party, we gathered our things. Karen approached us, her voice low and angry. “I can’t believe you did this to me,” she hissed.
Jake smiled. “Mom, you taught us well. It’s only fair, remember?”
Karen glared at us but said nothing more. We left the party, feeling a sense of satisfaction. It was a small victory, but it felt good.
Happy couple | Source: Unsplash
Karen never dared to pull a stunt like that again, and the family finally saw her true colors. The rest of the family started treating us with more respect, realizing we weren’t going to be pushed around.
As we drove home, Jake squeezed my hand. “I think we did the right thing,” he said.
I nodded. “Definitely. We stood up for ourselves and for Emma. That’s what matters.”
Happy family in a field | Source: Pexels
Jake smiled. “Here’s to more victories.”
“Here’s to us,” I replied, feeling hopeful for the future.
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