Marriage has its ups and downs, but there’s always space for laughter. The daily moments between husbands and wives can be heartwarming and funny, as shown in these jokes.
From surprising notes to clever replies, these seven jokes showcase the playful side of marriage. Whether you’re married or just enjoy a good laugh, these stories will make you nod in agreement and chuckle at their unexpected turns.
1 The Note Under the Bed
In any marriage, there can be moments of frustration, especially when one spouse feels unappreciated. This joke takes that idea to the extreme when a wife tries to teach her husband a lesson with a note, only to be shocked by his reaction.
A woman, upset that her husband was late coming home again, left a note saying, “I’ve had enough and left you. Don’t bother looking for me.” She then hid under the bed to see how he would react.
After a short time, the husband came home. She could hear him in the kitchen and saw him go to the dresser to pick up the note. After a few minutes, he wrote something on it and called someone.
“She’s finally gone… Yes, I know, about time, right? I’m coming to see you. Put on that sexy nightie. I love you… Can’t wait to see you… We’ll do all the fun things you like.”
He hung up, grabbed his keys, and left. When she came out from under the bed, furious and in tears, she grabbed the note to see what he wrote…
“I can see your feet. We’re out of bread. Be back in five minutes.”
2 The Pharmacist’s Explanation
Sometimes, simple misunderstandings can blow up, leading to confrontations. This joke humorously shows how quickly a situation can escalate when assumptions are made, only for the truth to make everyone laugh.
When a husband came home, he found his wife crying. She said, “The pharmacist insulted me on the phone this morning!”
Angry, the husband drove to the pharmacy to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. But before he could speak, the pharmacist said, “Wait, let me explain. This morning, my alarm didn’t go off, and I woke up late.”
“I skipped breakfast and rushed to the car, only to realize I locked my house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then I drove too fast and got a speeding ticket. While driving to work, I had a flat tire. By the time I opened the pharmacy, there was already a line. And the phone wouldn’t stop ringing.”
He added, “I had to break a roll of coins to make change, but they spilled everywhere. When I stood up, I hit my head on the cash drawer, and all the perfume bottles fell and broke. Then the phone rang, and it was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer, and all I did was tell her.”
3 The Family Secret
Family secrets can be surprising and funny. In this joke, a young man is excited about his upcoming marriage until his father reveals some shocking news, leading to a hilarious twist.
One Sunday morning, George rushed into the living room and shouted, “Dad! Mom! I have great news! I’m marrying the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away, and her name is Susan.”
Later, George’s dad pulled him aside and said, “Son, we need to talk. Look at your mom. We’ve been married for 30 years. She’s a great wife and mom, but she’s not very exciting. I used to cheat on her, and Susan is your half-sister, so you can’t marry her.”
George was heartbroken. After eight months, he started dating again. A year later, he proudly said, “Diane said yes! We’re getting married in June.”
Again, his father pulled him aside to share more bad news. “Diane is your half-sister too, George. I’m sorry.”
George was furious! He went to his mother with what his father said. “Dad is ruining my life. I guess I’ll never get married. Every time I like a girl, Dad says she’s my half-sister.”
His mother laughed and said, “Don’t listen to him. He’s not really your father.”
4 The Fried Eggs Incident
Everyday tasks like cooking breakfast can lead to funny arguments between spouses. This joke turns a simple breakfast into a humorous look at how we all sometimes feel the need to give advice, especially when the roles are reversed.
A wife was making fried eggs for breakfast when her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful!” he said. “Put in more butter! You’re cooking too many at once! Turn them! We need more butter! Oh no, they’re going to stick! Be careful! You never listen to me when you cook! Hurry! Don’t forget to salt them!”
The wife stared at him. “What’s wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry eggs?”
The husband calmly replied, “Sure you do. I just wanted to show you how it feels when I’m driving.”
5 The Supermarket Strategy
Shopping in a busy supermarket can be stressful, especially if you lose track of your spouse. This joke shows how resourceful one husband can be when looking for his wife, with a touch of humor.
In a supermarket, Ivan lost sight of his wife. He approached a young lady and asked, “Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” asked the lady, confused by Ivan’s request.
“It’s always the same. As soon as I start talking to a pretty woman, my wife pops up out of nowhere.”
The Flu Revelation
Being stuck at home with the flu is never fun, but this joke shows how a man’s sickness revealed his wife’s true feelings in a surprising and funny way. Sometimes love can be found in unexpected situations.
A man visited a friend who had been sick with the flu for weeks.
“How was it?” the man asked.
“Surprisingly wonderful,” the friend replied.
“How so?” the man asked.
“Well, I found out how much my wife loves me and how happy she is to have me home.”
“How do you know?”
“Every time the postman, the milkman, or the trash collector comes by, she runs out shouting, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”
The Late-Night Approach
Sometimes sneaking in late after a night out doesn’t go as planned. In this joke, two husbands compare how they deal with their wives when they come home late, revealing that a more direct approach can be the best way.
Two married friends were out drinking when one said, “I don’t know what to do. When I come home after drinking, I turn off the headlights before I get to the driveway. I coast into the garage, take off my shoes before entering the house, sneak upstairs, change in the bathroom, and slip into bed, and my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out too late!”
His friend replied, “You’re doing it wrong. I drive into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, flush the toilet loudly, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, and jump into bed saying, ‘Do you want to make love?’ And every time, she acts like she’s sound asleep!”
I Have to Raise Someone Else’s Child While Her Mom Is Having Fun at Parties – Story of the Day
I fell in love with a pregnant woman and promised to help her raise the baby, but she decided to have fun and avoid her responsibilities. She abandoned me only to return years later to do something unspeakable.
I met Molly at college. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, but she never gave me the time of day. Molly would often hang out with the most popular men, usually on the school’s football team, but we became close friends.
She was cheerful and a great student. It was just amazing to have a friend like that, even if my feelings would always be unrequited. Eventually, she started dating Tanner, the captain of the team. He wasn’t a typical mean jock, but I always thought she could do better.
Molly didn’t know she was pregnant. | Source: Shutterstock
A few months afterward, Molly came to my house crying. Tanner had dumped her and started dating another girl almost immediately. I comforted her as best I could, but she had really loved him. About a month after that, she discovered something life-changing.
“Mark, I’m pregnant,” she told me.
“What?” I exhaled. I couldn’t believe it. “Did you tell Tanner already?”
“Yes. He doesn’t want anything to do with the baby. He told me to get rid of it because he’s not going to be a father now,” Molly replied.
Molly discovered she was pregnant. | Source: Pexels
“What an idiot! I can’t believe he would evade his responsibilities like that! What are you going to do?” I questioned.
“I don’t know. I don’t want to get rid of it, but I’m in college. I can’t be a single mom. My parents are going to kill me,” she cried.
“I’ll step up. We can get married, and I’ll help you raise the baby. You won’t be alone,” I suggested without thinking about it twice.
“I can’t ask you to do that. I’m sorry, Mark. But I don’t think I’ll ever feel that way about you,” Molly said apologetically.
I stepped up. | Source: Pexels
“Don’t worry. It’s not about that. We’ll get married so that no one will look down on you, and you won’t be a single mother,” I continued. It sounded crazy even to me, but I couldn’t let Molly go through this alone.
“Are you sure? That’s a lot to ask of a friend,” Molly whispered, still hesitant about this insane idea. I assured her I was serious, and we went down to the courthouse later that week. Two of our friends served as witnesses, and it was a short affair.
I helped Molly get through this pregnancy as best I could. It was difficult as we were both college students, but we would make it work together. I grew more excited every day, thinking of becoming a father.
I adored Amelia. | Source: Pexels
But Molly was not that enthusiastic. I could tell that she missed being able to go out with her friends and enjoying regular college life. But as a mother, she had to sacrifice a lot. Eventually, Amelia was born, and she was the most beautiful baby in the world.
I adored her immediately and became her dad. Molly loved Amelia as well and settled into being a mother better than I expected. We became a wonderful little family, and no one suspected that Amelia was not mine because she looked exactly like her mother.
But Molly grew less and less excited. When Amelia was five years old, Molly broke down after putting her to bed. “I can’t do this anymore. I lost everything!” she cried.
Molly packed her bags and left. | Source: Pexels
“What are you talking about?” I asked her.
“I lost my entire youth. I shouldn’t have had a kid at all!” Molly continued.
“Molly, please. Amelia might hear you. She’s in the next room!” I said, raising my voice only a bit.
“I don’t care. I want out of this. I’m filing for divorce, and I don’t want to see any of you again,” she said, shocking me to my core. I asked her to stop and think about this, but Molly had already packed her bags and left us forever.
Amelia missed her mother. | Source: Pexels
I went to Amelia’s room only to discover that our daughter had heard the entire commotion. “Mommy left?” she cried.
“Baby, your mother is going through something right now and needs some time away. She’ll be back soon,” I assured her.
Unfortunately, Molly did not return, and I became a single father. It was harder than I ever expected, and Amelia would cry almost every single night for a year afterward. But soon enough, we both got used to being on our own. My daughter was the light of my life, and I would do anything to get us through.
I did my best raising Amelia as a single father. | Source: Pexels
Molly did not call once but would update her social media often. She had the college life she had missed all this time. It was one party after another with her old college sorority friends. I felt awful seeing those pictures.
How could she abandon her child to go out and have fun? It was unforgivable. Several years after her abandonment, I saw that she and Tanner had gotten back together, which only hurt worse. This was the guy who dumped her at her most vulnerable and didn’t want to step up for his baby.
I couldn’t do anything about it except move on, but Molly decided to come back into our lives just when we were doing so well. “What do you mean you want Amelia back?” I asked when Molly showed up at my house unexpectedly.
Molly returned and threatened to take me to court. | Source: Pexels
“Molly is my daughter, and I want her to live with me. Tanner is finally ready to meet her. She’s her father,” she said nonchalantly.
“Tanner is not her father. I’m her father. I raised her all these years, especially when you abandoned her,” I said with disdain in my voice.
“Mark, don’t do this. I will take you to court for custody if I have to. That’s my child. Tanner and I are engaged. She is going to be so happy with her real family at last,” Molly continued.
We went to trial. | Source: Pexels
“I’ll see you in court then,” I replied and threw Molly out of my house. Amelia was almost a teenager by then and saw how worried I was. My lawyers advised me to settle things out of court because most judges side with the mother.
But how could a judge side with Molly after her abandonment? My name was on Amelia’s birth certificate, and I saw her grow up. I was her only father. Molly’s lawyers were fierce, and our battle was harsh. But Amelia’s testimony sealed the deal.
“I only have one father,” she said, pointing at me. “My mother left many years ago after saying she regretted me. I don’t want to live with her.”
Nothing would ever separate my daughter and I. | Source: Pexels
Luckily, the judge listened to my little girl, although my lawyers didn’t think it would happen. He gave me full custody, while Molly got visitation on the weekends. I encouraged Amelia to forgive her mother and build a relationship with her, which they did.
But she told me every day that I was the best father anyone could ever have.
What can we learn from this story?
- Appreciate what you have. Molly threw her family away and discovered later in life that she couldn’t exactly get it back.
- Some responsibilities require sacrifices. Getting pregnant at a young age is a big deal, which means that you might have to give up partying and other youthful shenanigans.
Share this story with your friends. It might brighten their day and inspire them.
If you enjoyed this story, you might like this one about a woman who abandoned her daughter to travel the world and have a fun time.
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