Ho ho ho! Feeling festive? These Christmas jokes will have you laughing louder than Santa’s belly shake. Warning: excessive cheer, snort-laughing, and spontaneous caroling may occur. Proceed with caution… and cookies!
Jingle all the way to laughter! Grab your eggnog and settle in for some holiday hilarity. These jokes are Santa-approved and guaranteed to make you laugh harder than your uncle after too much Christmas pudding.
Santa Claus laughing in the snow | Source: Midjourney
1. The Christmas Trap
Mike drummed his fingers on his desk, staring at his phone. His wife Janet gave him a knowing wink from across the room, already struggling to contain her laughter. Time for their annual Christmas scheme.
“Hey kiddo,” Mike said after his 20-year-old son picked up in Fairbanks, trying to sound devastated. “I hate to drop this bomb, but… your mother and I are getting divorced.”
“WHAT?” Ryan’s voice cracked so hard that his neighbor’s cat fell off the windowsill. “Dad, you can’t be serious! You just posted those matching Christmas sweater photos!”
A shocked young man holding a phone | Source: Midjourney
“Dead serious. Can’t stand looking at her cookbooks anymore. Three hundred and forty-two sugar cookie recipes is where I draw the line. Call your sister in Sydney. I’m done talking about it.”
Ryan immediately called his sister Ashley, nearly dropping his phone in his panic. “Dad’s lost his mind! They’re getting divorced over a cookbook!”
“OVER MY DEAD BODY AND EVERY CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT I OWN!” Ashley screeched, making her office plants wilt. She speed-dialed home. “Listen here, old man! Don’t you DARE sign anything! Ryan and I are flying home TONIGHT!”
A shocked woman talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
Mike hung up and high-fived Janet, and both of them doubled over with laughter. “Works every year. Both kids coming home for Christmas. And they’re buying their own tickets!”
Janet wiped tears from her eyes. “Should we tell them this is how we got them to come to Thanksgiving too?”
“Nah,” Mike grinned. “Let’s save that trick for Easter!”
An older man with a wicked grin | Source: Midjourney
2. The Christmas Angel
Eleanor had been working in the Dead Letter Office for five years, but she’d never seen anything quite like this — an envelope addressed simply to “God” in shaky handwriting that looked like it had been written during an earthquake.
Inside was a letter that made her heart squeeze:
“Dear God, I’m Martha, 85 years young and running low on miracles. Some sneaky youngster with unusually fast hands swiped my purse yesterday with my entire month’s pension. $120. I’ve got five dear friends coming for Christmas dinner, and now I can’t even afford a can of cranberry sauce. I know you’re busy with world peace and all, but could you spare a miracle for an old lady with a sweet tooth and empty cupboards? Love, Martha (the one with the crooked garden gnome collection at the end of Maple Street).”
A lady postal services worker reading a letter | Source: Midjourney
Eleanor shared the letter with her coworkers. By lunch, they’d collected $116, raiding coffee funds, lunch money, and that secret candy bar stash everyone pretended not to know about.
A week after Christmas, another letter arrived:
“Dear God, You’re a real peach! That $116 you’d left in my mailbox made for the best Christmas dinner ever! My friends said it was divine intervention. I’d say they’re right! Even my arthritis felt better!
P.S. Some sticky-fingered postal worker must’ve skimmed $4 off the top. Might want to look into that. I hear you’ve got connections with Santa’s naughty list! Love, Martha.”
A cheerful older lady enjoying Christmas dinner with her friends | Source: Midjourney
3. North Pole Chaos
“Code Red! Code Red!” Junior Elf Timothy squeaked into the North Pole intercom, his voice cracking like ice in hot cocoa. “Four senior elves down with candy cane flu! The toy production line looks like a modern art exhibition!”
Santa rubbed his temples, watching the trainee elves turn teddy bears into abstract sculptures. Mrs. Claus chose that perfect moment to chirp, “Honey, Mother’s coming for Christmas! She’s bringing her entire fruitcake collection… even the one that set off the North Pole airport security!”
In the stables, Rudolph was organizing a reindeer union strike, demanding premium carrots and heated stalls. Dancer was in labor (terrible timing), and Prancer had eloped with a local moose named Bruce who promised her a cabin in the woods.
Startled Santa Claus | Source: Midjourney
Santa trudged to load the sleigh, only to hear an ominous CRACK! The floor splintered like thin ice, sending toys scattering everywhere like confetti at a New Year’s party gone wrong.
Stumbling inside for coffee, he found the elves had replaced it with sugar-free hot chocolate with a tag that read: “It’s healthier, Boss!” The milk jug slipped from his hands, shattering into a million pieces that sparkled like evil little stars on the kitchen floor. The cleanup broom looked like it had been through a beaver party. Suddenly, the doorbell buzzed.
DING DONG!
Santa Claus holding a broom | Source: Midjourney
Santa yanked open the door, ready to cancel Christmas entirely. There stood a tiny angel, struggling under a massive Christmas tree that made her look like a sprite with an oversized umbrella.
“Special delivery!” she beamed, twinkling with festive cheer. “Where would you like me to stick it?”
And that’s why Christmas trees have angels on top, sporting slightly alarmed expressions and questioning their career choices.
An angel under a Christmas tree | Source: Midjourney
4. Heavenly Volume
Tommy and Jack were spending Christmas Eve at Grandma Rose’s house, famous for her legendary sugar cookies and selective hearing that rivaled military-grade noise-canceling technology.
At bedtime, Tommy (age 6) knelt beside his bed and began his strategic prayer:
“DEAR GOD, I WOULD REALLY LOVE A NEW XBOX…”
“AND A REMOTE CONTROL DINOSAUR THAT ACTUALLY BREATHES FIRE…”
“AND MAYBE A ROCKET SHIP WITH REAL ROCKET FUEL…”
A little boy praying | Source: Midjourney
Jack (age 8) nudged his brother, rolling his eyes. “Dude, volume control! God’s not streaming on Spotify!”
Tommy shot back with a mischievous grin that would make elves proud. “Yeah, but Grandma is doing her Christmas shopping tomorrow, and her hearing aid’s been acting up since she tried to bluetooth it to her toaster!”
A little boy looking up and laughing | Source: Midjourney
5. The Shopping Surprise
Linda lost track of her husband Dave at the crowded mall during last-minute Christmas shopping. After 20 minutes of searching between the endless sea of panic-buying shoppers, she called his cell.
“Dave, where on earth did you disappear to? The mall closes in an hour!”
“Honey,” his voice softened mysteriously, “remember that fancy jewelry store from our first Christmas together? The one where you fell in love with that stunning sapphire necklace, but we were so broke we could barely afford the window shopping?”
A man talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
Linda’s heart fluttered, her anger melting faster than a snowman in July. “The one on Fifth Street? Oh my god, Dave… you didn’t…”
“Well,” he paused dramatically, “I’m in the dollar store next door. They’re having a massive sale on gift bags! Three for a dollar! Want me to grab some?”
A woman gaping in shock | Source: Midjourney
6. The Carol Critic
“Hey Emma,” her little brother Charlie called from the doorway, munching on his third candy cane of the morning. “You should totally join the Christmas choir at school! They’re still accepting applications!”
14-year-old Emma stopped practicing her scales, hope blooming in her eyes. “Really? You actually like my singing? After all this time?”
“Nah,” Charlie grinned, revealing red and white striped teeth. “But they only perform once a year, and I already know which day to wear my noise-canceling headphones!”
A stunned teenage girl holding a songbook | Source: Midjourney
7. The Gift Switch
At the office Christmas party, Tom was bragging about the amazing gift he got his wife Sarah, waving his phone around with photos.
“Check it out, man. Diamond earrings! Cost me a fortune, but worth every penny!”
His coworker Steve whistled, sipping his fourth cup of spiked eggnog. “But didn’t Sarah specifically ask for that new SUV? The one she’s been hinting about since last Christmas?”
“She did,” Tom smirked, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “But try finding a fake Ford Explorer that’ll fool your mother-in-law!”
A man holding a pair of earrings and laughing | Source: Midjourney
8. The Budget Tree
“Dad, pleeeease can we get a real Christmas tree this year?” little Jimmy begged for the hundredth time, giving his best puppy dog eyes. “I’m tired of explaining to my friends why our plastic tree smells like a basement and old tennis shoes!”
Frank grabbed his axe and wallet, sighing dramatically while secretly winking at his wife. “Fine. The things I do for Christmas spirit…”
He returned suspiciously quickly with a perfect tree, not a drop of sweat in sight.
A man holding an axe | Source: Midjourney
“That was fast,” Jimmy said, eyeing the pristine axe. “Did you even use it?”
“Nope!” Frank grinned proudly. “But the tree lot guy offered a 75% discount when I started examining the trees with it! Sometimes the best lumberjack is the one who never swings!”
A stunned boy | Source: Midjourney
9. The Biblical Bird
Three brothers — Richie, Steve, and Joe — gathered for their annual post-Christmas brag-fest about their gifts to their 80-year-old mother.
Richie puffed up his chest. “I built her a mansion with an elevator and a meditation room!”
Steve smirked, twirling his car keys. “Amateur. I bought her a Rolls-Royce with a personal chauffeur!”
Joe leaned back, sipping his cocoa. “You guys are so last season. Remember how Mom loves the Bible but can’t see well? I found this amazing parrot that recites the entire Bible on command. Took the church elders twelve years to train him. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse!”
A person in church holding a parrot | Source: Midjourney
Their mother’s thank-you notes arrived the next week:
“Dear Richie: The mansion’s lovely, but I’m too old to remember which of the 7 bathrooms I left my glasses in.
Dear Steve: The car’s beautiful, but my driver keeps falling asleep during my stories.
Dear Joe: The chicken was pretty small but delicious! Especially with the sage stuffing!”
Roasted chicken on the table | Source: Midjourney
10. The Window Shopping Incident
Karen spotted the perfect Christmas party dress sparkling in the store’s window display, guaranteed to make her the talk of the office party.
“Excuse me,” she called to a passing saleswoman. “Could I try on that gorgeous shimmery dress in the window? The one with the sequins?”
The saleswoman clutched her pearls, looking thoroughly scandalized. “Absolutely not, Ma’am! We have perfectly good fitting rooms for that sort of thing. This isn’t that kind of establishment!”
A dress displayed in a store | Source: Midjourney
11. The Santa Hotline
Sophie was driving her mom crazy with constant battles with her teenage sister Madison. The latest war was over borrowed (stolen) Christmas sweaters and who ate the last gingerbread cookie.
Mom had enough. “That’s it! I’m calling Santa!”
She dialed her brother Bob, resident Santa impersonator extraordinaire. Sophie’s eyes grew huge as Mom detailed her crimes against sisterhood, including the Great Hair Dryer Incident of last Tuesday.
“Santa wants a word with you,” Mom handed over the phone, trying not to smirk as her master plan unfolded.
A smiling woman holding a phone | Source: Midjourney
Uncle Bob dropped his voice to subterranean levels. “Sophie, Sophie, Sophie… No presents for girls who torment their sisters. I’m watching! And yes, I saw you hide that cookie under your pillow!”
Sophie nodded solemnly through the lecture, then hung up with a suspicious gleam in her eye.
“Well?” Mom asked, expecting victory. “What did Santa say?”
Sophie shrugged, skipping away. “He said Madison’s getting coal this year. Apparently, she’s the real troublemaker. Also, he said you should check your own cookie stash, Mom!”
A little girl smiling | Source: Midjourney
And there you have it, folks! If these jokes made you laugh, share them faster than your relatives share embarrassing childhood stories at Christmas dinner! Keep spreading the holiday cheer with these 10 More Best Christmas Jokes. Ho ho ho!
Cheerful Santa Claus laughing | Source: Midjourney
New 1673
My Dad Replaced My Mom with My Best Friend – I Made Him Taste His Own Medicine
When Hannah’s Dad waltzed into her birthday party with her best friend on his arm, she was determined to make him pay. Little did he know Hannah’s plan would unexpectedly turn the tables at her graduation party.
Serious woman and birthday cake | Source: Midjourney
“Happy birthday, kiddo,” Dad said, but his words barely registered.
The room was full of balloons and banners, but everything started feeling suddenly wrong.
“What’s the fuss?” he asked, noticing people staring.
I couldn’t believe it was happening. Dad had walked into my 25th birthday party with my best friend, Jessica, as his plus one.
Older man with young woman | Source: Midjourney
“What is Jess doing with you?” I asked as soon as I recovered from the shock.
“What do you mean?” he chuckled. “We’re together, in love!”
“Are you serious? Mom is here, and everyone is watching us!”
He shrugged. “So what? I don’t care what she or anyone else feels; it’s her problem. This is MY LIFE. I want to have fun.”
Couple looking into each other’s eyes | Source: Midjourney
I glanced at Mom, standing alone with tears streaming down her face. She just turned and went inside, and I couldn’t stand that.
“If I knew you would do something like this, I would’ve never invited you!” I snapped, turning to Dad. “And you, Jess, how could you do this? You were my best friend!”
“I’m sorry, Hannah. But it sounds like a YOU problem if you can’t accept this.”
I was shocked.
“Leave!” I said. “Just get out! Both of you!”
Smug-looking woman | Source: Midjourney
“Hey, Hannah, you’re overreacting,” Dad scoffed. “It’s not like your Mom and I are together, and I brought someone new into our lives.”
“No, I’m not overreacting, Dad, and I don’t want to talk about this. You need to leave. This party is for me and Mom. And this is Mom’s house.”
“Fine, we’ll go.”
I watched as Dad walked out, and then I returned to Mom and hugged her tightly. “Mom, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know they’d—”
“It’s okay, sweetie. Thank you,” was all she said.
Sad woman among party guests | Source: Midjourney
It was hard for me to believe what had happened, but all I cared about was the faces of the other guests staring at my mom in pity and disbelief. I hated the way they were looking at Mom as if she were some helpless woman.
A week passed.
One Sunday morning, Mom and I sat on the couch in her cozy living room, sipping tea.
Two cups of tea | Source: Midjourney
I loved our little sessions where it was just the two of us. Usually, we’d bake one of Grandma’s recipes, but looking at Mom’s face, I knew she was still not over what had happened.
Dad and Mom had divorced only recently, and I know Mom still missed him. So, what happened on my birthday still bothered her.
“I’m really looking forward to graduation next month, Mom,” I said, trying to lift the mood. “It’s a big milestone for me.”
Woman wearing graduation hat | Source: Midjourney
“Oh, I’m so proud of you, Hannah,” Mom smiled, her eyes shining with pride. “You’ve worked so hard for this day.
“It’s just that… seeing Jessica with your father was hard,” she suddenly said, sighing sadly. “She’ll be graduating too, right?”
I reached over and took her hand, squeezing it gently.
“Yes, Mom. It was terrible. But you’re stronger than this. You deserve better.”
Sad elderly woman | Source: Midjourney
Mom looked at me, tears welling up in her eyes. “It’s just so hard, Hannah. I never expected this from Jessica. She-she was like a daughter, and now this…imagining them in bed…”
Mom broke down into tears, and I raced to her side to hug her.
“Your dad…” she sniffled. “What did he tell me when he was leaving? You’re too old, Caroline. You don’t excite me anymore. Oh, Hannah, how could he do this?”
Young woman consoling an older woman | Source: Midjourney
Mom wept into my shoulders, and I can’t tell you how it broke my heart.
“I didn’t either, Mom,” I said, trying my best to console her. “But we won’t let them hurt us anymore. You’re not alone in this. We’ll get through it together, okay?”
Mom was very disturbed after what happened at my birthday party, and I had a plan to set things right. It’s just that I couldn’t tell Mom about it right then.
Devastated elderly woman | Source: Midjourney
The following Thursday morning, I walked into the cozy café near the university, bustling with students and professionals.
The smell of coffee and chatter filled the air.
I spotted Tom at a corner table and waved.
Inside a cafe | Source: Midjourney
I remembered Tom from when I was young. He was one of Dad’s colleagues, always nice and kind. He used to visit us often, but then we moved across town, and those visits stopped. Seeing his familiar face brought back memories.
“Hi, Tom,” I said as I sat down. “It’s good to see you.”
“Wow, Hannah! You’ve grown up!” he chuckled. “It’s good to see you too. How are things?” he asked.
Young woman talking to older man at cafe | Source: Midjourney
“Busy, but exciting. Graduation is just around the corner,” I replied.
A week ago, when I contacted Tom on Facebook, I wasn’t very hopeful he would reply. But somehow, his name was the first to pop into my head, and I just gave it a try.
Luckily, he replied.
“By the way, I thought about your idea,” he said as I sipped my coffee. “I’m okay with that. Will your Mom agree?”
Woman drinking coffee | Source: Midjourney
“She will. Thanks. I appreciate all your help,” I said sincerely.
“You’re welcome, Hannah. Your mom deserves better, and so do you,” he replied.
We chatted about various things, recalling some sweet memories of when I was a little girl and Tom used to get me princess dolls. He was just the sweetest man from my childhood, and I had a brilliant plan brewing at the back of my mind.
A cute girl | Source: Midjourney
I didn’t realize how time flew by and the graduation day arrived.
I stood in Mom’s bedroom, surrounded by elegant dresses and makeup.
Mom held up a beautiful dress, and I nodded approvingly.
“I can’t believe my baby is graduating,” she said, zipping up my dress. “You look stunning, Hannah.”
Older woman helping younger woman get ready | Source: Midjourney
“Thanks, Mom. You look amazing, too. Tonight’s going to be special,” I replied, smiling.
Mom had put on a shimmering navy blue dress that hugged her figure gracefully. Her hair was styled in soft waves, and she wore delicate silver jewelry that complemented her look perfectly.
“I hope your dad behaves himself tonight,” she said, wearing her earrings.
Gorgeous older woman | Source: Midjourney
“Don’t worry about him, Mom. Just focus on having a good time. Everything will be fine,” I assured her.
Mom smiled, but I could see the worry in her eyes.
I squeezed her hand. “Really, Mom. Enjoy tonight. You deserve it. I’m so happy for you.”
“I will, sweetie. Thank you,” she said, giving me a warm hug.
Mother and daughter hugging | Source: Midjourney
I looked in the mirror, adjusting my dress and makeup. “Now, I gotta leave. See you soon,” I said, grabbing my bag.
“Alright, Hannah. See you there,” Mom replied, giving me a quick kiss.
As I left the house, I took a deep breath. The plan was set, and I felt ready. I knew tonight had to be perfect, not just for me but for Mom, too. This was our night, and I wouldn’t let anything ruin it.
Woman in graduation attire standing with other graduates | Source: Midjourney
When I arrived at the graduation hall, I took one last look in the mirror and straightened my cap and gown.
The room buzzed with excitement as graduates and their families filled the seats.
I scanned the crowd and spotted Dad arriving with Jessica. They looked confident, but I knew that would change soon.
Young girl in graduation attire posing with older man | Source: Midjourney
About 15 minutes later, Mom entered the auditorium with Tom. She looked stunning, and Tom looked dapper in a suit.
Seeing them together made me smile. They waved at me, and I waved back.
I could see shock clouding Dad and Jessica’s faces when they saw Mom happy with a guy about five years younger than her!
“Thanks for making it, Tom. Mom, you look gorgeous!” I said, hugging her.
Good-looking couple | Source: Midjourney
It was then Dad’s voice cut through.
“Tom? What are you doing here?”
We turned to see him with Jessica behind him.
Tom put an arm around Mom. “Supporting a dear friend and her daughter,” he said.
Happy couple | Source: Midjourney
“Didn’t you mention he was your colleague? How did this happen?” I heard Jessica whispering to Dad, and I couldn’t help but smile because my plan was successful.
“Well, Mom and Tom have been catching up lately. They realized they have a lot in common,” I said, grinning.
Dad looked flustered. “I see,” he said. “Well, it’s… nice to see you, Tom.”
Serious-looking man | Source: Midjourney
Tom smirked slightly. “Nice to see you too, Robert. Life takes interesting turns, doesn’t it?”
As the evening went on, Mom and Tom looked genuinely happy together. They laughed and danced, looking like a perfect couple. Jessica tried to keep up appearances, but her discomfort was evident.
Dad couldn’t hide his frustration either. His eyes kept darting towards Mom and Tom, and I could see the wheels turning in his head.
Couple looking happy together | Source: Midjourney
Before leaving, Mom hugged me tightly. “Thank you for everything, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you.”
“I’m proud of you too, Mom,” I said, smiling. “You deserve all the happiness in the world.”
As I watched Mom walk away with Tom, I knew Dad regretted his choices. He realized too late that he had lost the best thing in his life. I also saw he pushed Jess away when she asked him for a dance, and I laughed.
My plan to show Dad that Mom could be happy without him worked perfectly. Mom and Tom fell in love and are now together. I couldn’t be happier for her.
A happy family | Source: Midjourney
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