My new neighbors seemed odd from the start. Their little child played alone, and I ended up spending half the day with her until her mother finally appeared. Out of courtesy, she invited me over. The next day, I found the abandoned child with a heartbreaking note. I decided to act immediately.
It was a typical quiet day in our small suburban neighborhood when I noticed the moving truck pull up to the old house next door. The place had been abandoned for years, and seeing any activity there was surprising enough.
I stood at my window, peering through the curtains like a curious cat.
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“Who are they?” I muttered to myself, trying to make sense of what I was seeing.
The man was tall, with sharp features that made him look like he’d stepped out of a noir film.
The woman with him, though—she was something else. Pale, almost ghostly, with a distant look in her eyes as if she was there, but not really.
And then, there was the little girl.
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She couldn’t have been more than four years old. Tiny thing, with big eyes full of innocence, clutching a worn-out teddy bear as if it was her only friend in the world.
She played alone in the overgrown yard, her small figure seeming even smaller against the wild grass and tangled weeds.
What a strange family!
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Samuel and I had always dreamed of having kids. After years of trying, though, it became painfully clear that it wasn’t going to happen for us.
Samuel never talked much about it, always brushing it off with a shrug or a quick change of subject.
But me? I couldn’t let go of the dream. And seeing that little girl, so alone… It stirred something deep inside me.
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***
A few days later, I went for my usual walk around the neighborhood. As I turned the corner, there she was—the little girl from the neighbor’s house. This time, she was dangerously close to the street.
“Hey there, sweetie,” I called out gently, hurrying over. “Let’s not play so close to the road, okay?”
She looked up at me with wide, innocent eyes, and for a moment, I just stood there, holding her tiny hand.
I led her back toward her house and knocked on the door. No answer. My hand hesitated on the doorknob.
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Should I?
I took a deep breath and pushed it open, just a crack.
The house was almost empty, just a few old pieces of furniture and scattered boxes. It was like they’d moved in but hadn’t settled. Nobody was inside.
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“What’s your name, sweetie?” I asked, crouching down to the girl’s level.
“Lily,” she replied, her voice as soft as a whisper.
“Well, Lily,” I said, “how about we draw some pictures?”
“I have no crayons.”
Those words cut a hole in my heart.
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“Alrighty! Let’s use a stick and sand outside!” I tried to cheer her up.
She nodded eagerly, and I began tracing simple shapes with a wooden stick—a heart, a star, and the letter “A.” Lily watched closely, her eyes widening with each stroke of the stick.
“Can I try?” she asked, reaching for the stick.
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“Of course,” I handed it to her, “Why don’t you try writing your name?”
She carefully drew a shaky “L” in the dirt, then looked up at me for approval.
“That’s great, Lily! You’re doing such a good job!” I encouraged her.
After a while, we moved on to another game. I pointed to some stones nearby.
“Let’s build something together. How about a castle?”
“A castle! Yes!”
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We gathered the stones, stacking them one on top of the other. It was a simple structure, really, but to Lily, it seemed like the grandest thing in the world.
“Look, it’s like a tower,” she said, placing a small stone carefully on top.
“It is! And here’s another one for the other side,” I added, handing her a flat stone. “You know, this could be where the princess lives.”
Lily’s face lit up even more at the idea.
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“And the prince can live over here,” she said, pointing to a spot on the other side.
I noticed how intently Lily focused on the task as if each stone was a precious gem. It made me wonder if she had ever played with real toys before.
“Thank you for playing with me.”
My heart swelled at her words.
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As the sun began to set, I started to worry about what to do.
Finally, the girl’s mother appeared, almost out of nowhere. She seemed surprised to see me but didn’t show much emotion.
“Thanks,” she said flatly, taking the girl’s hand. “I was nearby all the time.”
There was no warmth, no smile—just those words. Before leaving, she added,
“Why don’t you come over for tea tomorrow?”
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It wasn’t so much an invitation as an obligation. But I nodded, agreeing anyway.
I glanced down at Lily. She had been so engaged, so full of life while we played, but the moment her mother appeared, something in her seemed to change.
“Lily, it’s time to go.”
Without a word, Lily simply walked over to her mother, her small hand slipping into the woman’s cold grasp. There was no protest, no hesitation—just quiet obedience.
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“Okay, Mommy.”
Lily looked back at me. “Will you come to play with me again?”
“Of course, sweetie,” I replied, my voice catching in my throat.
As I watched them disappear down the path, a sense of unease crept over me. That sadness in Lily’s eyes was like a silent plea, a cry for help that she couldn’t voice.
There was something off about this family—something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
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***
The next day, I hesitated, staring at the chipped paint on the neighbor’s door, then knocked. No answer. I knocked again, louder this time, but still nothing.
“Hello? It’s me, from next door,” I called out, hoping to hear some sign of life inside.
Nothing. The house remained eerily quiet, the silence pressing down on me like a weight. After what felt like an eternity, I hesitantly pushed the door open and stepped inside.
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“Hello?”
My footsteps sounded loud against the wooden floor as I wandered through the rooms, each one emptier than the last.
Then, in the living room, I found Lily. She was sitting on the floor with a pack of cookies and a bottle of water. She was holding a piece of paper in her tiny hands.
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“Lily?” I whispered, kneeling beside her.
She didn’t say anything, just handed me the note. I unfolded the paper, the heartbreaking message inside sending a cold chill down my spine:
“She’s yours if you want her. We know you’ll take good care of her.”
I stared at the words, my mind racing.
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Who would do such a thing? Abandon their child like this, leaving her in an empty house with nothing but a note?
Panic started to rise in my chest, and I grabbed Lily, pulling her close.
“We need to go,” I whispered, scooping her up into my arms.
As I headed for the door, a terrifying thought crossed my mind.
What if this was a trap?
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I froze for a moment, my heart pounding. But then I looked down at Lily. I couldn’t leave her there, no matter the risks.
When we arrived back at my house, Samuel was already home. He looked up from the couch as I walked in.
“What is this?” he demanded.
I set Lily down gently and handed her a box of crackers and a glass of milk.
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“Here, sweetie, why don’t you have a snack and watch some cartoons?” I said, turning on the TV to distract her.
Once she was settled, I turned back to Samuel, who was now standing, his face twisted with anger.
“Why is there a child in our house, Eliza?” he raised his voice.
“Samuel, I found her alone,” I began, my voice trembling. “In that empty house, with nothing but this note.”
I handed him the paper. He read the note quickly, then looked up at me.
“You’ve broken our agreement, Eliza. We agreed—no children in this house!”
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“Samuel, I couldn’t just leave her there! She was all alone, with no one to take care of her,” I pleaded, trying to make him understand.
But his anger only grew.
“I told you I didn’t want kids! And now you’ve brought one into our home? Do you even realize what you’ve done?”
His words cut deep, like a knife twisting in my chest.
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“You never said that! All these years, you said it was because of your health…”
He looked away, his jaw clenched.
“I lied. I never wanted children, Eliza. I just didn’t want to lose you.”
It felt like the ground had been pulled out from under me. All those years, all those hopes and dreams… I had been living a lie.
Samuel delivered his ultimatum:
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“Either you take her back, or go away.”
I stared at him, the man I had loved and trusted, and realized that I couldn’t stay. Not like this. Not with him.
Without another word, I turned away from him, gathering a few belongings. I packed a small bag, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over.
I couldn’t abandon Lily after everything she had already been through.
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As I took Lily’s hand and led her to the door, Samuel didn’t stop me. He just stood there, cold and distant, as if we were strangers.
I had no idea where we would go.
Finally, we ended up at the school where I work and spent the night in my office. I knew it wasn’t a permanent solution, but it was a start.
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***
In the following days, I began the adoption process for Lily, but it wasn’t easy. The authorities insisted I needed a stable home.
Then, unexpectedly, they informed me that Lily’s biological parents had left her an inheritance — the house. So, I could adopt Lily and move in there.
Shocked, I dug deeper and discovered that Lily’s foster parents — my neighbors — had adopted Lily solely for that inheritance. But realizing they couldn’t care for her, they decided she deserved better.
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To ensure she wouldn’t end up in another home for the wrong reasons, they left her, and the house, in my care. We moved in the same day, and the house became our home, filled with warmth and love.
Lily slowly opened up, and every time she called me “Mommy,” my heart swelled.
Samuel, living alone, began to reconsider his choices. He started helping around the house and taking care of Lily when I was busy. Forgiving him wasn’t easy, but his efforts made me feel that maybe we could find our way back to each other.
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Tell us what you think about this story, and share it with your friends. It might inspire them and brighten their day.
If you enjoyed this story, read this one: My husband was cheating on me with my boss, and I silently endured it. Then, my boss handed me tickets to distant islands, clearly with her own agenda. At the airport, I found myself fighting for a taxi. Little did I know, that chaotic moment would mark the beginning of an unexpected love story.
This piece is inspired by stories from the everyday lives of our readers and written by a professional writer. Any resemblance to actual names or locations is purely coincidental. All images are for illustration purposes only. Share your story with us; maybe it will change someone’s life.
23 Backhanded “Compliments” That Are Actually Insults
Everyone has been guilty of giving compliments that turn out to be less-than-sincere upon closer inspection. However, backhanded “compliments” are some of the worst, especially since they’re disguised as sweet remarks. It’s important for friends to be honest with each other, of course, but couching hard truths in fake compliments is rarely the way to go. (Unless you’re auditioning for a Real Housewives franchise, of course, in which case you can carry on.) If you’re ever on the receiving end of a backhanded compliment from a friend, the real meaning might not even sink in until hours, or even days, later.
While backhanded compliments typically stem from the speaker’s own insecurities, that doesn’t make them any less hurtful, says Sherese Ezelle, LMHC, LCPC, a licensed behavioral therapist. And when they come from a friend, a backhanded compliment is likely to sting even more — and may even damage your relationship.
Backhanded compliments run the gamut from clueless comments to rude remarks, and can also be a form of microaggression, Ezelle says. If it seems like your pal has crossed a boundary, she recommends disputing their comment in the moment by calmly asking for more info. “More often than not, to challenge them on the spot allows for the individual delivering the ‘compliment’ a chance to defend or further explain their intent,” Ezelle tells Bustle. “You want to be sure to give an opportunity for conversation so that growth can happen and friendships can be preserved.”
Of course, different friendships have different dynamics. Some close friends tease each other mercilessly and, as long as everyone’s on the same page, it tends to be OK. That said, it’s alright to recognize when something feels more hurtful than funny, or more like passive-aggressiveness than silly banter, Ezelle says. If backhanded compliments seem to be a habit rather than an exception, you can always tell your friend to buzz off — or look for a new friend circle.
These 23 backhanded compliment examples can help remind you of what a barely-concealed dig really sounds like. That way, the next time your friend claims to love your outfit or announces that they find your apartment “cozy”, you’ll know exactly how to handle it.
1. “Your Instagram Makes You Seem So Fun!”
Why it’s backhanded: On the one hand, it’s good to know all your careful filtering and captioning haven’t been in vain. But when your friend says your Instagram seems fun, they may be implying that the real you is much less interesting than the image you’re trying to project.
How to respond: “Because I am fun!”
What they could have said instead: “I’m so inspired by the way you curate your feed. It really shows off your creative side.”
2. “You Look So Great In That Photo. I Can’t Even See Your Acne!”
Why it’s backhanded: The nice compliment is immediately weighed down by the acne comment. They’re basically saying you typically have a flaw, but in this photo, you only look great because that flaw is removed. “It would be particularly hurtful if you also had an insecurity about your complexion,” says Sarah Dumoff, LCSW, a psychotherapist and founder of private practice here/now.
How to respond: “Thanks. I love this picture too, though I feel good in photos even when my skin isn’t ‘perfect.’”
What they could have said instead: “Omg, you look amazing!”
3. “I Didn’t Expect You To Get The Job. Congratulations!”
Why it’s backhanded: When a friend makes a point of mentioning their low expectations, it takes away from their congratulations.
How to respond: “I worked really hard for this. Go me!”
What they could have said instead: “I was rooting for you and am so relieved it went well!”
4. “You’re So Independent. It’s No Wonder You Haven’t Found Someone Yet.”
Why it’s backhanded: Among all the things ambitious people are tired of hearing, this is probably the most common. In theory, such a remark compliments your sense of autonomy; in practice, it implies that your independence is driving potential significant others away. As an added bonus, it perpetuates the idea that you have to compromise your sense of independence in order to be attractive. Yikes.
How to respond: “Yup! And I’ll know someone’s right for me when they respect that.”
What they could have said instead: “If you ever want to get back into the dating pool, I know someone’s going to fall immediately for your drive.”
5. “I Love How You Don’t Care How You Come Across.”
Why it’s backhanded: Your friend may profess to love your devil-may-care attitude, but what they’re really saying is that they think you’re too “out there.” Either that, or they’re making a salty comment because they’re envious of your laid-back attitude.
How to respond: “Yes! It’s taken a lot of work to get my confidence to this level. I try not to focus on what others think anymore.”
What they could have said instead: “You always seem so confident and relaxed. Tell me all your secrets.”
6. “I Wish I Was As Chill As You About All This Clutter.”
Why it’s backhanded: The real translation may be, “Your place isn’t cleaned to my exact standards and I need you to know that.” Regardless of their intention, it’s rude to make comments when you’ve been invited into someone’s private space.
How to respond: “Really? What would you do differently?” Sometimes asking someone to explain their comment is a way to get them to pause, reflect, and realize they’re being mean.
What they could have said instead: “Thanks for having me over!”
7. “That New Haircut Looks So Much Better Than Your Old One.”
Why it’s backhanded: They’re right — your new ‘do does look fabulous. But no need to be rude about what you looked like literally an hour ago. It may also make you wonder how long they’ve secretly disliked your hair.
How to respond: “I’m all about changing up my look. I’ve loved all my hairstyles and this one’s great, too.”
What they could have said instead: “Wait, this so, so good.”
8. “I Love How You’ll Just Wear Anything.”
Why it’s backhanded: If you’re getting ready together, chances are this comment is constructive and your friend is trying to prevent you from leaving the house in a not-so-great look. If they make this comment once you’re already out, however, that’s when it’s officially rude — and it might even plant a seed of self-doubt that ruins your whole night.
How to respond: “Is that a hint? What’s wrong with my outfit?” You can be honest with each other, laugh it off, and ask if they’d like to offer some advice.
What they could have said instead: “Hold up, hold up. Do you still have those wide-leg pants? Those would be perfect for tonight.”
9. “I Would Never Be Able To Pull Off That Outfit!”
Why it’s backhanded: While it sounds like they’re admiring your style, your friend is likely saying they wouldn’t be caught dead in anything similar.
How to respond: “Thanks, yea. I’ve been feelin’ myself lately. I’m all about the cargo pants trend. Can you believe they’re back?” This is a way to brush off their comment and show your friend that your “weird” look is deliberate — and fashionable.
What they could have said: “Ugh, I can’t keep up with trends. Can you share your Pinterest with me?”
10. “You’re So Charming When You Make An Effort.”
Why it’s backhanded: Great! You’re being charming and suave right now. Mission accomplished. But what about when you’re lounging in your soft pants? Your friend is kind of saying that you’re not usually this charismatic.
How to respond: “I don’t always feel the need to be ‘on’ around my close friends, but sure, I can pull out the charm when need be.” You can also mention that their comment was hurtful. Remember, when in doubt, call it out.
What they could have said: “Bestie, you’re a shining star of wit and charm.”
11. “You Look So Professional With Your Hair Straight.”
Why it’s backhanded: Talk about microaggressive “complimenting” styles. On one end of the spectrum, they’re announcing that they believe you usually look bad or unkempt. On the other, they’re saying curly or natural hair is somehow unprofessional. And that’s not OK.
How to respond: “Well, I’m glad to know that you think my natural hair makes me look so unprofessional.”
What they could have said instead: Nothing. Or, “Did you do something different with your hair?”
12. “I Wish I Didn’t Have Any Responsibilities Like You.”
Why it’s backhanded: People might be inclined to say this to their friends who live with their parents or to those who don’t have kids. Living rent-free or child-free can be less stressful than many alternatives, but that doesn’t mean anyone’s life is totally carefree or without responsibility. Saying otherwise is passive-aggressive at worst and presumptuous at best.
How to respond: “Oh wow, do I make it look that way? I have a million plates spinning at once. How are things going on your end?” This will get to the real root of the issue, which is that they’re overwhelmed.
What they could have said instead: “Do you have any spare time to listen to me vent? I’ve been so stressed lately.”
13. “Your Place Is So Cozy.”
Why it’s backhanded: Calling someone’s apartment “cozy” is often code for “super tiny” or even “so tiny I don’t understand how you live here.” It’s also condescending since not everyone can afford a sprawling abode — or wants to live in one. It just isn’t what you want to hear when you’ve invited folks over for a housewarming.
How to respond: “Thank you! I put a lot of work into the decor. Wait, did you see my record player over here?”
What they could have said instead: “Thanks so much for having me over! I always love how you decorate. Oh! I brought a quiche.”
14. “You’re Coping With This So Much Better Than I Thought You Would.”
Why it’s backhanded: You’re literally on your couch in a onesie surrounded by tissues and rubbing at your puffy eyes — and this is better than what your friend thought? How did they expect you to deal with a breakup? You might not want to know.
How to respond: If you can muster some cheekiness, say, “Thanks for the vote of confidence, pal.” If you’re too upset say, “I just need someone to listen to me, if that’s OK.” Also, side note: If a certain friend isn’t supporting you the right way during a tough time, try reaching out to someone else. Another friend, family member, or therapist may be a better bet.
What they could have said instead: “What you’re going through is one of the toughest things ever. You’re handling it so well, but it’s also OK if you need to take more time for yourself.”
15. “You Look So Much More Awake With Makeup.”
Why it’s backhanded: Your friend may be trying to give you a compliment, but this one sends the message that you usually look bad or tired whenever you deign to go outside without blush or mascara. It might be their way of judging — or they simply might not realize why it’s a rude thing to say.
How to respond: “Wait, what do I normally look like?”
What they could have said instead: “I need that blush. Where’d you get it?”
16. “You Look Refreshed Today. I Almost Didn’t Recognize You!”
Why it’s backhanded: According to psychologist Dr. Roberta T. Ballard, Ph.D., this is a common backhanded compliment. It’s something you might hear from an office friend who means well, but doesn’t realize they’re implying you usually look messy or tired. Not to mention, it’s never smart to comment on someone’s appearance, especially if you don’t know what’s going on with their health or personal life.
How to respond: “Thanks. Guess it was that extra cup of coffee I had today.” And leave it at that.
What they could have said instead: “That color blue looks amazing on you.”
17. “You’re So Chill In Your Relationship.”
Why it’s backhanded: “It may be innocent admiration of your patience in your relationship, or it may feel like something else is being implied,” says Lauren Spinella, LPC, a licensed mental health therapist and owner of Peaceful Path Counseling. Are they really impressed by your patience during a tough time in your relationship, or are they implying you’re a doormat?
How to respond: “Do you feel like I’m too chill?” According to Spinella, it’s totally fair to ask for some genuine clarification in a non-accusatory way. That’ll open the door to a deeper convo.
What they could have said instead: “I really admire how patient you are. I’m also a little concerned that you’re dealing with so much and want to make sure you’re OK.”
18. “You Look Great For Your Age!”
Why it’s backhanded: While this one’s often said with the best of intentions, it’s steeped in ageism and the idea that you can only look good if you look young. “Sometimes the person giving the backhanded compliment might not have the intention of saying something hurtful, however, the impact is still there,” says therapist Emily Sharp, MA, LCAT, ATR-BC, RYT-200.
How to respond: “I’m sure you didn’t intend to, but when you make comments about my appearance it makes me uncomfortable.” Sharp says this will get the message across in a diplomatic way.
What they could have said instead: “You look great!”
19. “You’re So Articulate.”
Why it’s backhanded: Calling you articulate is a way to express shock that you said something intelligent. It has the same vibe as, “Wow, I didn’t expect you to be good at this.” The “you’re so articulate” comment also comes with a long history of racism, especially when aimed at Black people, Ballard says.
How to respond: “What did I say that surprised you?” Again, asking someone to explain their comment is a subtle way of calling them out.
What they could have said instead: Nothing. Or something like, “It’s always such a pleasure to talk to you. I’m glad we ran into each other.”
20. “You’re So Pretty. I Don’t Get Why You’re Still Single.”
Why it’s backhanded: This backhanded compliment can send your brain swirling through a list of possible meanings. Are they saying something else is wrong with you? Or that you’re incomplete until you meet a partner? Whatever it is, it won’t feel good.
How to respond: “How are the two related?”Depending on the type of relationship you have with your friend, you can straight up call them out or ignore them, Sharp says. “You can also respond to a portion of the backhanded compliment that feels genuine, in order to maintain positivity,” she tells Bustle. “Everyone handles these situations differently, but the important part is validating your feelings for yourself.”
What they could have said instead: “We haven’t chatted about our dating lives in forever! Are you talking to anyone or nah?”
21. “I Love Your Nails. It Must Be Nice To Have So Much Extra Time In Your Day To Pamper Yourself.”
Why it’s backhanded: “This may be an innocent comment,” Spinella tells Bustle. “But it’s also understandable for someone to be put off by hearing it. You might think, are they implying that I don’t have a lot going on or that I am prioritizing the wrong things?”
How to respond: “What do you mean?” While it’s often possible to glean the intent of a backhanded compliment, Spinella says it’s best to ask for clarification, especially if the words hurt.
What they could have said instead: “I love how you did your nails! It can be so hard to prioritize self-care with a busy schedule. Maybe you can help me do the same?”
22. “You Look So Comfortable!”
Why it’s backhanded: This isn’t a real compliment, says wellness coach Dr. Cali Estes. Instead of saying what they really think, it’s a roundabout way for your friend to indicate that they don’t like your outfit or that they think it’s inappropriate for a situation.
How to respond: “Thanks! I’m so grateful to be comfortable so I can fully enjoy myself at this wedding.”
What they could have said instead: “I love your outfit. I really wish I would have chosen something more comfortable, too.”
23. “You’re Incredible For Working That Hard! I Could Never Leave My Cat Alone All Day.”
Why it’s backhanded: While it feels like they’re complimenting your work ethic, what they’re actually doing is commenting on your choices as a caretaker. This one’s also commonly aimed at new moms, according to Dr. Anisha Patel-Dunn, DO, a psychiatrist and chief medical officer of LifeStance Health.
How to respond: “What do you mean by that?” Patel-Dunn recommends asking for more info. For instance, “Ouch, I feel a bit hurt by that comment. Can you clarify what you mean because this is what I heard…”
What they could have said instead: “You’re the queen of getting stuff done. How do you do it?”
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