My story is about how my ex-husband’s girlfriend realized a truth about him that I grew too comfortable with while married to him. With one important question, his new girlfriend taught me a valuable lesson about self-love after reaching out unexpectedly.
I’ve been divorced for five years now, and it’s been an interesting journey navigating life post-marriage. My ex-husband, Ben, 48, and I, 45, were together for 13 years and had two wonderful kids. Even after our split, we’ve managed to stay on good terms.
We co-parent effectively despite our marriage having its ups and downs. Ben and I are best friends and have also maintained a friendship that surprises most people. Our divorce wasn’t messy; we simply wanted different things out of life.
Yesterday was our eldest’s 16th birthday, and we decided to celebrate with a family dinner. Ben has been seeing someone new, a woman named Lisa, for about four months. He told me about her as soon as their relationship got serious.
Transparency was part of our agreement to keep things open and honest for the sake of our children. He asked if he could bring Lisa to the birthday dinner, and while I wasn’t thrilled as I would have preferred to meet her one-on-one first, I didn’t want to cause any drama or be intrusive. So, I agreed.
On that fateful day, I finally got to meet Lisa who was friendly, and eager to make a good impression, which was a relief. I preferred her to be a good person if she was going to be around my children.
She’s got a kind smile and she immediately struck up a conversation with me about the kids’ school and activities. I could tell she was trying hard to fit in, which I appreciated.
As the evening went on, I noticed how attentive Lisa was to Ben. It was sweet but also a little unsettling because I never saw that side of him during our marriage. I chalked it up to new relationship energy and tried to focus on the kids and the celebration.
Halfway through dinner, things got weird when my eldest handed me a birthday card from her father. This caught me off guard because my birthday was months ago. No one usually remembers it, and Ben has never been one to recall such occasions.
Don’t get me wrong, my children’s father is a great man. But he’s really terrible with things like anniversaries, birthdays, or any special occasions. During all the years we were together, Ben never got me a present or card.
It was also my responsibility to handle events like the kids’ birthdays, Christmas, and more. I don’t know if I was wrong for this, but his forgetfulness didn’t bother me. I thanked my daughter, feeling touched by the gesture.
Lisa, sitting across from me, saw my surprise. I had assumed she’d made him get it, but then I noticed how she was giving me these funny looks. Unsure what they meant, I decided to mingle with other guests to avoid the awkwardness.
But, Lisa somehow managed to get my attention. “Ben mentioned he’s not great with birthdays,” she said with a chuckle. “He forgot mine a few weeks ago. Is it intentional?”
I laughed, remembering all the missed anniversaries and forgotten special days. “I have no idea, Lisa, but 13 years of marriage and two kids wasn’t the benchmark because he never really got the hang of it,” I replied. “It’s just who he is.”
Lisa seemed disappointed and tried to hide it, but I thought nothing of it and wandered off to talk to other guests. I decided to shift the conversation to something lighter and talked about family plans and the upcoming holidays. The rest of the evening went smoothly, and we all parted ways with smiles and hugs.
Later that night, as I was getting ready for bed, I received a text from an unknown number. It was my ex’s new girlfriend. “Hi, this is Lisa. I got your number from Ben. I hope it’s okay to text you. I wanted to ask you something.”
Curious, I replied, “Sure, what’s up?”
Her response came quickly and when I read it, I was STUNNED. She hadn’t gotten over our brief conversation earlier and was asking if Ben’s forgetfulness of special occasions was something that could be fixed. “I know this might seem odd because we touched on it earlier, but I need to know…”
“…Does Ben ever improve when it comes to birthdays and anniversaries? I don’t want to make a big deal out of it if it’s something that won’t change.” I stared at my phone, feeling a mix of emotions. Part of me wanted to warn her, to tell her not to ever expect much.
But another part of me debated whether to give Ben a heads-up as it seemed like this was a serious issue for his new girlfriend and that she expected more attention to such things. Yet, a part of me resented having to teach him to be better about something he never tried with me.
I also felt like it wasn’t my place to interfere. After a moment, I typed back, “Honestly, he’s my ex for a reason. I can’t say if he’ll change or not, and I’m not going to have the answers you need.” I continued, “It’s something you’ll have to figure out together. Lovely meeting you, though.”
Months went by without much thought about that night. Then, one evening, Ben called me out of the blue. “Lisa and I broke up,” he said, sounding frustrated.
“What happened?” I asked, genuinely curious.
“She kept making a big deal out of nothing, busy complaining about birthdays and anniversaries. I told her it’s not something I care about, and she just wouldn’t let it go,” he said, sounding furious.
“It turned into this huge argument when I forgot our anniversary, and she left,” he explained, his voice tinged with annoyance.
I sighed, feeling a twinge of guilt as I wondered if I could’ve helped them if I had been more supportive of Lisa when she texted me. “Ben, did she tell you it was important to her?” I asked, feeling like my responses to Lisa played a part in their breakup.
He was silent for a moment. “She told me on many occasions that such things were important to her.”
“But WHO CARES! You never made it a big deal,” he said defensively.
Tired of coddling him, I said, “Well, sir, and that’s why we divorced.”
“That’s mean, Kim,” my ex replied, sounding sad.
“Look, I’m sorry, but I stopped trying because I knew it wouldn’t matter to you,” I replied calmly. “But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t important to me. Or to her. You have to meet people halfway.”
Ben grumbled something under his breath, and I could tell he wasn’t ready to accept that truth. We ended the call on a neutral note, and I sat there, thinking about Lisa. She deserved someone who would appreciate her efforts and reciprocate her feelings.
A few days later, I bumped into Lisa at the grocery store. She looked tired but managed a smile when she saw me. “Hi, how are you?” she asked politely.
“I’m good, thanks. How about you?” I replied, genuinely concerned.
“I’ve been better,” she admitted. “Ben and I broke up.”
“I heard,” I said softly. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”
She sighed. “I couldn’t deal with feeling unimportant. I tried to explain it to him, but he didn’t seem to care.”
I nodded, understanding her frustration all too well. “It’s hard when someone doesn’t value what you do. You deserve someone who will.”
Lisa smiled sadly. “Thanks. I appreciate that. I guess I hoped he could change.”
“Change is hard for some people,” I said gently. “But don’t lose hope. You’ll find someone who values you.”
We parted ways, and I felt a strange sense of closure. Lisa’s struggle mirrored my past frustrations, but it also highlighted how much I had grown since my marriage ended. I had learned to accept Ben’s flaws, but I also realized that I deserved more than what he was willing to give.
That evening, I sat down with my children and talked about their dad. I wanted them to understand that while he had his shortcomings, he loved them deeply. We laughed about his forgetfulness and shared stories of the good times we had as a family.
As I reflected on everything, I felt a deep sense of peace. I had moved on from the hurt and disappointment and was ready to embrace whatever the future held. I hoped Lisa would find the happiness she deserved, and I knew that I had done the right thing by not getting too involved in their relationship.
In the end, it wasn’t about birthdays or anniversaries. It was about finding someone who truly valued and appreciated you for who you are. I did not doubt that Lisa would find that person someday, and I knew I was finally content with my own life.
As I looked at my children, I felt grateful for the love and joy they brought into my life. We had our good and bad moments, but we were a family, and that was what mattered most. And as for Ben, I hoped he would eventually learn to value the important things in life.
For now, I was happy. I had my kids, friends, and a sense of peace I hadn’t felt in a long time. And that was more than enough.
If you enjoyed Kim’s story, you’ll love this one about a woman who got pregnant around the same time her son’s girlfriend was also expecting. The son’s girlfriend caused a rift in the family when she made demands of his mother about naming her child.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
MЕЕТ ТНЕ ТWО KIDS SАNDRА ВULLОСK RАISЕD WIТН LАТЕ РАRТNЕR, ВRYАN RАNDАLL
In 2010, Sandra Bullock received a phone call that changed her life forever. “Your placement is here,” said the voice on the other end.
A few weeks later, she was on a stage, accepting her first Oscar for her appearance in The Blind Side, but she didn’t care she was there. “All I wanted was to go was just go home and feed Lou” she said of her newborn, whom she had been waiting for years to arrive.
Keep reading to learn more about this incredible actor and what inspired her to adopt two children!
In 2005, after Hurricane Katrina devastated Louisiana by flooding its grounds, Sandra Bullock had a feeling that inspired her decision to adopt a child.
“Katrina happened in New Orleans, and something told me, ‘My child is there.’ It was weird,” Bullock said in an interview with Today’s Hoda Kotb.
Credit: Shutterstock
Years later, in January 2010, Bullock received the call she had been waiting years to receive.
“He was unexpected, he was not planned. I got a call one day, ‘Your placement is here,’ and that’s after years after having filed it, years,” the 59-year-old star of Speed tells CBS News.
Little Lou
Gushing over Louis Bardo Bullock, the three-month-old boy from New Orleans she secretly adopted in 2010, Bullock said, “I looked at him likе, ‘Oh, there you are.’ It was likе he had always been there,” she recalled. “He fit in the crook of my arm. He looked me in the eyes. He was wise. My child was wise.”
The Miss Congeniality star adds, “The beautiful thing that I was constantly told was, ‘The perfect child will find you. You will find your child.’ But you don’t believe that when it’s not happening. When you’re going, ‘Where is my family?’ When it does happen, you know exactly what they’re talking about.”
Weeks after Lou arrived, Bullock was on stage at the Kodiak Theatre, accepting her first Oscar for her starring role in the film, The Blind Side.
But Lou owned her center stage and she wanted to be at home, with him.
“All I kept thinking about was, ‘He’s at home.’ Like, I didn’t care. I didn’t care that I was there, I just wanted to go home. And then I was sewn in the dress. I was sewn in the dress, and I had to get myself out of the dress, but all I wanted to do was just go home and feed Lou.”
Only days after, her marriage to reality star Jesse James came crashing down and Bullock became a single mother to an infant.
Bullock said, “I mean, so much had happened. How do you process grief and not hurt your child in the process? It’s a newborn, they take on everything that you’re feeling. So, my obligation was to [Lou] and not tainting the first year of his life with my grief.”
‘Louis’ got the stage’
“No one understands the shift in priorities about having a child in your life … until you have a child in your life,” Bullock said of shifting her focus from career to mom. “It naturally shifts…he showed up and now, Louis’ got the stage.”
Growing up in a healthy, happy environment, little Lou one day looked up at mom and predicted “I’m going to have a baby soon.”
Though Bullock admits she wasn’t planning on growing her family, she listened to her son, who planted the seed.
“I realized at that time, maybe he knew something. And when I think about it, it would have been around the time that Laila was born,” Bullock said. “It’s Louis’ way. Louis has a very strong way. He’s a fine leader, and he led me to Lai.”
Laila, who was living in foster care in Louisiana, is her daughter who joined the family in 2015 when she was three.
Recalling Laila’s trаumа from being in childcare, the Ocean’s 8 star said, “She’d be in the closet with all her clothes on, she’d be on a bookshelf, she’d be hiding, she’d always be ready to leave,” the actress recalled of her daughter, adding that she always made sure Laila knew that she wasn’t “going anywhere.”
She then shаrеd a conversation she had about Laila with Bryan Randall, the father figure to her children, and her partner from 2015 until ALS claimed his life in 2023. She said, “My partner said to me, ‘When she’s been with us longer than she hasn’t been, I have a feeling we’re going to see a change.’”
He was right. Recently, Bullock described Laila as “unafraid.”
“She’s a fighter, and that’s the reason she’s here today. She fought to keep her spirit intact. Oh my God, what she is going to accomplish. She’s going to bring some real change.”
Lou, now 13, “is super sensitive…He’s wise and kind,” the Bird Box star tells People. “I saw that when they handed him to me. There was a spiritual bigness to him.”
Though fans will be disappointed, the versatile actor is scaling back her work schedule to again be a single mother.
Bullock last appeared in 2022’s The Lost City with Channing Tatum and Bullet Train with Brad Pitt.
“I can be creative, I can be part of a community, but right now, work in front of the camera needs to take a pause,” she said.
What do you think of Sandra Bullock and her little family? Please shаrе your thoughts with us and then shаrе this story so we can hear what others have to say!
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