Breakups are never easy. They bring a whirlwind of emotions, self-reflection, and sometimes, heart-wrenching pain. While it’s commonly believed that women are more emotional during a breakup, recent studies suggest that men may actually experience more emotional distress than women.
Why is that? The answer lies in a mix of psychological, societal, and emotional factors that shape how men handle breakups. Let’s dive into the reasons why breakups tend to hit men harder and what they can do to recover.
Men and Emotional Vulnerability: A Silent Struggle
From a young age, men are often conditioned to suppress their emotions. Society teaches them that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness. While women are encouraged to express their feelings and seek support, men are more likely to bottle up their emotions.
This emotional suppression can be damaging. When a breakup happens, men might not have a strong support system in place to help them process the pain. Many men rely on their romantic partners as their primary emotional support, so when that relationship ends, they often feel lost and alone.
Without an outlet to talk about their feelings, men may struggle with feelings of sadness, loneliness, and even depression—sometimes much more intensely than women.
Societal Expectations: The Pressure to “Man Up”
One of the biggest reasons men struggle with breakups is the pressure to “man up” and move on quickly. Society often expects men to show emotional resilience, discouraging them from expressing grief or sadness.
Women, on the other hand, are more likely to seek comfort from friends, discuss their emotions, and actively work through their pain. Men, however, are often expected to act as if nothing has happened.
This need to maintain a tough exterior can prolong the healing process. Instead of working through their emotions, men might turn to distractions like excessive work, alcohol, or rebound relationships—only to find that the pain resurfaces later.
Why Romantic Relationships Matter More to Men
Men and women often approach relationships differently. While women tend to build multiple sources of emotional support through friendships and family, men frequently rely on their romantic partners as their main source of emotional intimacy.
When that relationship ends, it’s not just the loss of a girlfriend or wife—it’s the loss of a best friend, a confidant, and sometimes, their only emotional support system.
This can make the breakup feel like a double hit, leaving men struggling not only with heartbreak but also with a deep sense of emotional isolation.
Delayed Grief: Why Men Take Longer to Heal
Men and women grieve breakups differently. Women tend to feel the emotional pain more intensely at first, but they also process it faster by talking about it and seeking closure.
Men, however, often delay confronting their emotions. Instead of immediately processing the pain, they may distract themselves with work, hobbies, or casual relationships. But unresolved feelings don’t just disappear—they resurface later, sometimes in the form of depression, anxiety, or a lingering sense of emptiness.
This delayed emotional response can make breakups more painful for men in the long run, prolonging the healing process.
The Role of Attachment Styles in Breakup Pain
Attachment styles—the way people form emotional bonds—also play a role in how men experience breakups. Studies suggest that men are more likely to have an avoidant attachment style, meaning they struggle with emotional closeness but still feel deeply affected when a relationship ends.
This paradox can make breakups especially painful for men. On one hand, they may try to act indifferent and suppress their feelings. On the other hand, they might secretly feel heartbroken and unable to move on.
Women, by contrast, are more likely to have secure or anxious attachment styles, making them more willing to process and express their emotions.
Men Tend to Romanticize Past Relationships
Another reason men may suffer more after a breakup is that they often romanticize their past relationships. Instead of focusing on why the relationship ended, they tend to idealize the good times and overlook the problems.
Women, on the other hand, are more likely to process a breakup by analyzing what went wrong. This approach helps them gain clarity and move forward.
For men, however, this nostalgia can trap them in a cycle of regret and longing, making it even harder to let go and heal.
The Physical Impact of Breakups on Men
Breakups don’t just affect emotional health—they take a toll on physical health as well. Research suggests that men are more likely than women to experience:
- Sleep disturbances (insomnia or excessive sleeping)
- Changes in appetite (weight loss or gain)
- Weakened immune system (higher stress levels, increased risk of illness)
- Risky behaviors (drinking, smoking, reckless behavior)
Since men are less likely to seek emotional support, the stress of a breakup can manifest physically, leading to long-term health problems.
Why Women Heal Faster
Women tend to have healthier coping mechanisms when dealing with a breakup. They are more likely to:
- Talk about their emotions with friends and family
- Seek professional help like therapy or counseling
- Engage in self-care routines, like exercise or journaling
- Reflect on the relationship to understand what went wrong
These strategies allow women to process their emotions faster, helping them heal and move on more effectively than men.
Men, on the other hand, often suppress their pain and avoid dealing with it head-on, which ultimately prolongs their suffering.
How Men Can Heal After a Breakup
If breakups tend to hit men harder, what can they do to heal faster and move forward?
- Acknowledge Your Feelings – It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. Accept your emotions instead of suppressing them.
- Talk to Someone – Whether it’s a close friend, family member, or therapist, opening up can help release pent-up emotions.
- Prioritize Self-Care – Exercise, eat well, and maintain a healthy routine to keep both your mind and body in check.
- Stay Busy, But Don’t Avoid Healing – Engaging in new hobbies or activities is great, but don’t use them as an escape from your emotions.
- Reflect and Grow – Instead of dwelling on what’s lost, focus on what you’ve learned and how you can grow from the experience.
Healing takes time, but taking proactive steps can make the journey smoother and more empowering.
Conclusion: The Emotional Reality of Breakups for Men
While breakups are painful for everyone, men often struggle more due to emotional suppression, societal expectations, and a lack of support systems. Their tendency to avoid emotions, romanticize past relationships, and delay grief can make the healing process more challenging.
However, understanding these factors can pave the way for healthier coping strategies. By embracing vulnerability, seeking support, and focusing on self-care, men can heal and emerge stronger from a breakup.
At the end of the day, heartbreak is a painful but transformative experience. It’s not just about losing someone—it’s about rediscovering yourself, learning from the past, and preparing for healthier, more fulfilling relationships in the future.
My Son Lifted Saleswoman’s Skirt Screaming: ‘Mommy, Look! That’s Why She’s Angry’
When Madeline and Ryan decide to go shopping for a new vacuum cleaner, their four-year-old son reveals that he knows the saleswoman—a woman that he had seen in his father’s office, the tattoo on her leg a dead giveaway.
It was an ordinary Saturday morning—the kind that held a promise of simple pleasures and family time.
“Madeline,” my husband said as he poured himself some coffee, “we’ll leave after breakfast, okay?”
Coffee being poured into a cup | Source: Pexels
I nodded as I cracked eggs into a bowl, ready to make breakfast for Ryan, my husband, and Sam, our four-year-old son.
It wasn’t anything special—we were just going to go out and get fruit for the week, and replace our broken vacuum cleaner. But what I didn’t know was that beneath the surface of this ordinary outing, a story was brewing, one that would shatter my reality of life as I knew it.
A couple with a young boy | Source: Pexels
“What’s for breakfast, Mom?” Sam asked, bouncing into the kitchen.
Later, when we were finally out of the house, I realized how grateful I was for the little life that we were living together as a family of three. I had always wanted a small family and a soft life—little outings, getting fresh fruit and vegetables from a farmer’s market, and so on.
An omelet on a plate | Source: Unsplash
I always thought that by marrying Ryan, I had gotten just that.
As we entered the store, Ryan veered off to examine some electronics, leaving Sam and me in the vacuum aisle. Ben held tightly onto my dress. He was always nervous when we ventured out.
A little boy with his parents and a balloon | Source: Pexels
I approached a saleswoman to inquire about a high-end vacuum I had spotted online.
“Don’t worry about the prices,” Ryan had said the night before when I sat at the dining room table with my laptop, looking through the latest brands and models of vacuums.
A person touching a vacuum cleaner | Source: Pexels
“Really?” I asked him. My husband wasn’t one to hold onto his pockets tightly, but recently he had become more liberal with spending in general.
“Yes,” he said, kissing my forehead before heading to read Sam a bedtime story. “Choose whatever you want.”
A woman using a laptop | Source: Pexels
At the store, however, the saleswoman looked me up and down.
“This vacuum?” she asked, pointing to the one I was inquiring about.
“Yes,” I replied. “And does it come in any other colors?”
A woman wearing a pink shirt | Source: Pexels
“It’s extremely expensive, you don’t look like you can afford it,” she sneered, looking me up and down with disdain again. She eyed my son, too. It was like she had seen him before, but couldn’t quite place him.
Her words stung, but before I could even muster a reply, Sam let go of my dress and darted to the woman.
A close-up of a little boy | Source: Pexels
Then he did something very out of character. Sam reached out to touch the saleswoman’s skirt, and slowly lifted it to a point just above her knee. There on her thigh was a large, distinctive tattoo.
“Look, Mom, look!” Sam exclaimed, pointing excitedly.
A woman revealing her tattoos | Source: Unsplash
The saleswoman’s face turned a fierce shade of red as she scrambled to cover herself.
“How dare you!” she yelled, her voice filled with indignation.
Panicking, I grabbed my son, pulling him back.
A shocked woman with her hands up | Source: Pexels
“I’m so sorry,” I stammered, my cheeks burning with embarrassment. “I’m sure he was just joking!”
But Sam was insistent, his little face screwed up in confusion.
“No, Mommy!” he said. “I’m not joking, Mommy! Look at that tattoo! I know it!”
My son looked like he was on the verge of tears.
A sad little boy | Source: Unsplash
“What do you mean, sweetheart?” I asked him.
My voice trembled, dreading the answer that I somehow already knew.
For a few weeks now, I had had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I just felt that something was off with Ryan. We barely spent time together. Usually, when we put Sam to bed, it was our time. Just for us to sit together and catch up.
A couple sitting together on a couch | Source: Pexels
But recently, we haven’t done any of that. Instead, Ryan would jump at the opportunity to put Sam to bed—something that involved at least an hour of playtime and a few bedtime stories later.
So, I would end up doing laundry and dishes, and then just go to bed.
A woman doing laundry | Source: Pexels
And Ryan’s new thing was that he was obsessed with getting a tattoo.
“I just think that I’m old enough to settle on something,” he said when I dug into a bar of chocolate.
“What are you planning on getting?” I asked him, suddenly confused by the new interest in tattoos.
“I’m not sure,” he said. “But I have options.”
A person getting a tattoo | Source: Pexels
“I saw her in Dad’s office. Daddy was holding her leg, and said that he was treating it. And that the tattoo was very sore,” Sam said matter-of-factly.
A cold shiver ran down my spine. Ryan wasn’t a doctor; he was a lawyer. There was no need to ‘treat’ anyone.
A man reading a document | Source: Pexels
There was no innocent explanation for what Sam had described. I glanced at the saleswoman, her earlier arrogance replaced by a mask of fear.
Just then, Ryan’s voice cut through the tense air.
“Maddie,” he said. “I finally found…” he trailed off as he rounded the corner and saw the tableau before him—his wife, his son, and his mistress in a standstill of awkwardness and shame.
A shocked man | Source: Pexels
Silence enveloped us. Ryan stuttered, attempting to concoct some plausible excuse, but the truth was glaringly obvious in the panic etched across his face.
I silenced him with a raised hand.
Sam gripped onto my hand, and swung it backward and forward a few times. He eyed his father nervously.
A woman with her hand raised | Source: Pexels
“We’ll discuss this at home,” I said quietly, my heart breaking inside.
The saleswoman slipped away, her part in this domestic drama over for the moment.
Before heading home, Ryan took us to Sam’s favorite fast food place. I knew that he was trying to get on Sam’s good side again. I ordered some tea to calm my nerves.
“Can we eat at home?” Sam asked me, his eyes wide with emotion.
A little boy sitting with his parents | Source: Pexels
That night, after putting Sam to bed and ensuring that he was sound asleep, I confronted my husband.
The façade of our happy marriage crumbled entirely as he confessed to an affair that had started over a year ago.
The details poured out, each one a dagger in my heart. The trust we had built over years was obliterated in just a few minutes.
A shadow of a couple | Source: Pexels
“Sasha and I were just friends,” Ryan said, putting the kettle on for me. “But then we needed to get new computers for the office. So I went to that store—and we got talking. That’s how it started.”
“And you just continued it? Did you even think about Sam and I?”
Ryan shook his head at my words.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I just needed something new.”
Office computers on a table | Source: Pexels
He sat down on the couch and looked at me, as if waiting for me to lose my temper. But I was beyond it. I didn’t want to react in any other manner than calm.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this was a fight I didn’t want to have. Ryan had been with this woman for over a year. He had chosen this woman for that long.
He had made his bed.
But the only thing that I wanted to know was why Sam had witnessed the entire interaction.
A man sitting on a couch | Source: Unsplash
“Why was Sam there?” I asked him.
“It was that day that the daycare needed us to pick up the kids early and you were stuck in meetings. So, I took him to the office for a while. He was supposed to be sitting in the reception and drawing with Nick, but then he came running into my office.”
I filed for divorce soon after. The process was painful—there were tears shed, lawyers were called, and a family was broken.
A table at a daycare facility | Source: Unsplash
I grappled with the betrayal, struggling to understand how the man I loved could have deceived me so thoroughly.
In the end, it was Sam’s innocent revelation that had brought the painful truth to light. While the knowledge devastated me, it also offered a strange sort of relief.
“Take his money,” my lawyer said. “We’re going to take him for everything he has.”
And I did.
A person signing a document | Source: Pexels
What would you have done?
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Juliet, a single mom, loves raising her nine-year-old daughter, River, by herself. River pushes her to be better. But after a while, Juliet begins to notice fierce independence taking over River—wanting more responsibility and autonomy. But then Juliet discovers a secret that comes with River’s backpack, and a hidden friend comes to light.
Read the full story here.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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