According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
While preparing for her husband’s birthday celebration, woman becomes the target of her mother-in-law’s ploy
We often hear stories in which mothers-in-law are depicted as evil. Sadly, they sometimes really are and the reason behind it might be that they feel like their daughters-in-law ‘steal’ their sons from them.
A woman named Janisse shared the story of how her MIL plotted against her in order to turn her husband against her.
It was Janisse’s husband’s birthday and she was looking forward to the party she was preparing for him. She planned to invite all of Carl’s friends and family and wanted everything to go according to plan.
But just as she was getting ready to start preparing the food, Carl’s mother, Sally, called her and told her she wanted to help her with the preparations.
As Janisse always got along with her husband’s family, or at least she thought so, she told her MIL that she was more than welcome to lend her a helping hand.
When Sally arrived, she did help with the food, but in the afternoon, she started acting weird. As she was digging around the fridge and sighed every few minutes, she accused Janisse of not purchasing certain ingredient she needed for some special cookies.
“I can’t find any ingredients for the cookies I wanted to make. I told you that I would make the cookies I’ve made every year for Carl,” Sally said.
“We have so many desserts and the cake as well. So, I think it’s okay. We can do it another day for him,” Janisse told her.
“Janisse,” Sally sighed. “It’s really important to me, okay? It’s a tradition I started when Carl was only three years old. Can you go out and get the ingredients?”
As there was not much time left until the guests were about to arrive, Janisse decided to go to the store, which wasn’t that far, and grab the ingredients her MIL needed.
On her way home, Janisse felt like a superhero because she knew the party would be a great one, but her joy was short lived.
The moment Janisse opened the car’s door, Carl burst out of the house like she’d committed a crime and he wanted to catch her in the act. He accused her of leaving his mother all alone to prepare everything for the party. When she explained that wasn’t the case and it wasn’t as it looked like, he told her she wasn’t telling the truth.
Janisse tried to tell him that she was the one who prepared most of the food and that she only took a short trip to the store to grab the ingredients for the traditional cookies his mom made for him, but he said there were no such cookies and that she was childish to believe that ‘cookie tradition.’
Still unaware what was going on, Janisse went to her room. She had a quick shower and shortly after the guests started to arrive.
Carl avoided Janisse all evening, and when the time came for the cake to be served it was Sally who brought it to the table and started singing “Happy Birthday.”
Sally acted as though she was host and it looked like she was the one who was throwing the party for her son, not Janisse.
When the guests left and Janisse and Carl were alone, she tried to explain what really happened and that his mom plotted against her, but he didn’t want to listen because he was certain his mom would never do such a thing.
The following morning, Carl woke Janisse up and apologized for not trusting her. Janisse was puzzled and asked him what made him change his mind about the entire situation. He then explained that his mother was bragging to someone about her master plan, but she accidentally sent the message to Carl.
Carl then went to the other room, in which his mom spent the night, and tried to talk to her in order to learn why she would do such a horrible thing. It turned out that contrary to what Janisse believed, her MIL didn’t really like her because of her political and religious beliefs. Janisse was shocked because her MIL never mentioned anything about it before.
However, no matter what Sally did, Carl and Janisse decided to forgive her eventually.
“We’re going to Bali to celebrate your birthday next year,” I told him. “No friends, no family, and absolutely no drama!” Janisse told her husband.
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