Fearing for their children’s futures, parents search for universal parenting techniques that will put their kids on the route to a prosperous job and a happy life. But times are changing, and the old principles of success are no longer relevant. Sometimes, parents’ actions, intended to be helpful, can actually create challenges for their children’s future.
1. Not allowing their kid to fail
Perfectionist parent often strives for perfection themselves, leading them to expect increasing levels of perfection from their child as they grow older — from the child’s artwork never being good enough to their bed not being made perfectly or not studying hard enough. The child faces constant criticism and reprimands but is never allowed to learn from their mistakes. Children of perfectionist parents may grow up to be perfectionists themselves or develop low self-esteem and lack confidence. Both outcomes can negatively impact their future careers.
- Anna’s mother always compared her to Mary, saying, “Look how tidy Mary is compared to you, Anna!” Despite Anna’s efforts to emulate Mary, she never measured up, and her mother’s criticism only intensified. Anna’s mother never allowed her the chance to improve her habits and learn basic skills. Now at 25 years old, Anna still compares herself to others and always comes up short in her own eyes. Needless to say, this constant comparison has taken a toll on her self-esteem.
2. Paying a child for good grades
This topic remains a subject of debate, but consider this perspective: imagine yourself as a contractor continually paying more for a product or service, with the child as the supplier providing it in exchange for money or rewards. It doesn’t sound like a good idea, does it?
- Alexandra’s parents sought to motivate their daughter to excel in her studies by offering money as an incentive. Initially, Alexandra’s grades improved, suggesting the approach was effective. However, her parents later discovered that she had been fabricating stories about an imaginary illness and sharing them with her teachers. She even falsely claimed that her parents constantly criticized her for poor grades. The sympathetic teacher then raised Alexandra’s grades out of pity. Following this incident, Alexandra’s parents discontinued the practice of paying for grades and sought guidance from a child psychologist.
3. Preventing their child from expressing their feelings
Sometimes, adults dismiss a child’s feelings as wrong — insisting that bruises don’t hurt, feeling anger toward a child who hit them is shameful, or being sad even with a valid reason is incorrect. Parents often do this with good intentions, wanting to teach their children proper behavior. However, it’s crucial to recognize that a fundamental skill for modern individuals is the ability to acknowledge and manage their feelings, emotions, and needs.
- Kate, now 37, vividly remembers how her mother forced her to give away her beloved doll to another girl, admonishing her for being “greedy” and scolding her for getting upset over a “stupid toy.” Kate never got her doll back. Over the years, she has worked hard to assert herself, learning to say “no” to demanding people, including her boss and coworkers. Despite this, Kate often feels guilty whenever she refuses to comply with their requests.
4. Failing to support their child in front of strangers
Every child needs the assurance that their parents will stand up for them in any conflict, regardless of the situation, and won’t blindly trust the words of authority figures like teachers, principals, or neighbors. When parents allow their children to speak up for themselves when they are ready to take responsibility for their actions, it helps them develop healthy self-esteem and a sense of personal accountability.
- Maggy was raised by her grandmother, who often said, “But what will other people think?” Although her grandmother loved Maggy and wanted the best for her, she constantly emphasized the importance of public opinion. As a result, Maggy struggles to make her own decisions and even relies on her friends’ opinions when choosing something as simple as dessert.
5. Drawing inspiration and comparing to successful people
Each generation has its own set of heroes whom young people aspire to emulate. In recent decades, the tales of personal success from wealthy and influential individuals have become widespread. However, it’s not as simple as learning their life story and achieving happiness. If it were that easy, everyone who reads their books would have solved all their financial problems by now.
- Alex developed a passion for computers from a young age. Inspired by the story of Steve Jobs that his dad shared with him, Alex immersed himself in learning everything about Apple. When it came time to choose a university, Alex initially believed he didn’t need higher education because Steve Jobs succeeded without it. Eventually, Alex realized the importance of education for his path and pursued college to advance his career. Now, Alex jokes, “What worked for Steve Jobs is just a waste of time for an ordinary guy like me.”
6. Pressuring their child to decide on their future career
The notion that a person should stick to one career for their entire life is likely outdated and impractical. Many modern occupations didn’t exist a decade ago, while others have already become obsolete.
- Since childhood, Max had a passion for exploring computers and understanding various software programs. Despite his parents’ concerns, he pursued this interest and eventually discovered online courses in software testing. Now, he is thriving in this field, leveraging his potential and skills.
- Laura, at 37, worked as a sociologist for a major consulting firm but found it challenging to maintain her career after having her son. During maternity leave, she rediscovered her love for photography. Starting with unique photos of her child, Laura progressed to offering photoshoots for friends’ and acquaintances’ kids. Over time, she opened her photo studio. Laura now earns as much as her husband and successfully manages her professional life while caring for her family. This shift exemplifies the evolving nature of careers and the importance of embracing new opportunities.
7. Arguing about money
Since children may absorb long-lasting messages from these circumstances, it’s crucial to avoid arguing about money or other matters in front of them. Instead of one-on-one conflicts, which can cause youngsters to take sides and become distressed, talks should be led in a way that promotes involvement.
- Chris grew up witnessing his parents argue about money. When he went to college at 17 and moved away, he struggled with managing his finances and spending on unnecessary items. He now fears starting relationships, believing that money is the root cause of his sadness.
8. Prohibiting the child from using social networks
Social networks have become today’s equivalent of the yards and neighborhoods where we used to play as children. Kids can learn valuable skills through computer programs integrated with social media platforms. While parents should remind their kids about online safety rules, depriving children of this experience can be harsh.
- Aria’s mother was surprised to discover that her 10-year-old daughter had learned to create cool videos. Even more surprising was the realization that Aria had learned this skill from using TikTok. Now, creating short videos has become a family hobby for them.
9. Teaching the kid that they have the stuff at home
Many of us recall times when we asked our parents to buy us things, only to hear, “We already have that at home; we don’t need it.” Some parents repeatedly expose their children to such situations, unintentionally discouraging them from getting what they truly need. This pattern can significantly impact their financial habits as adults. On the other hand, constantly satisfying a child’s every need can also have negative effects.
- Jan’s mother often tells him they have things at home and they don’t buy them from the store. Jan has learned to overlook his needs, and with each subsequent request, he withdraws more, knowing not to ask. When Jan grows up and earns his income, money will go towards trivial things because that’s how he’s learned to live.
10. Preventing children from getting into conflicts
The ability to engage with others is perhaps one of the most crucial professional skills one can possess. It’s important not only to help children make friends but also to teach them how to engage in healthy arguments. People often hold differing opinions, and there are various ways to express emotions. The sooner children grasp this concept, the easier their interactions with others will be, including in professional settings.
- Michaela spent her life avoiding conflicts, preferring to agree with others rather than engage in disputes. She believed that someone always had to be the “smarter” one, but this approach proved more harmful than beneficial. One day, Michaela learned about active listening and decided to apply this approach in her professional life. She excelled at paying attention to others’ perspectives while also expressing her feelings when others attempted to take advantage of her. Initially, people found her communication style unconventional, but conflicts with coworkers became more constructive, leading to mutually beneficial resolutions.
11. Helping their child learn to save money
The world is always changing, and old ways of making or saving money might not work anymore. We can’t predict what skills will be valuable in the future economy. That’s why it’s important to teach kids to be flexible and ready for change, not just to save money.
- Emily’s grandfather saved money his whole life “just in case.” But when that “case” finally happened, a financial meltdown made all his investments lose value. Emily saw this while growing up, and now she’s worried the economy could collapse at any time. She believes the best investment is in her skills and knowledge.
12. Trying to build a strong character with the help of sports
While there’s a widespread belief that sports are beneficial for discipline and character development, excessive competitiveness in professional sports can be detrimental to a child’s physical and mental health. This competitiveness can be fueled by both fellow young athletes and coaches. Only a few individuals become champions, and coaches often prioritize these select few, neglecting the rest of the team. Coping with this unfair treatment at a young age can lead to low self-esteem and confusion about alternative life paths if a child must stop playing sports.
- Tom’s mother pursued rhythmic gymnastics as a child but had to abandon her Olympic dreams due to a leg injury. When Tom was three, his mother enrolled him in gymnastics classes, hoping he would excel. However, Tom struggled in this sport, leading him to lose interest in school, feel like a failure, and struggle to identify his strengths. Now, Tom is studying to become a child psychologist to help parents navigate the challenges of raising children without making the same mistakes.
Being protective of your children is natural, but it’s important to set boundaries. Respecting their privacy is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship and their personal development. Violating their privacy can have serious negative effects, especially on their mental health.
Mom Takes Son to School, Gets Emotional When She Sees Boy Who Is a Carbon Copy of Her Son There — Story of the Day
A mother stood perplexed when she saw another boy who looked exactly like her son at school. After digging deep, she made a shocking discovery.
Dr. Samantha Darcey has been through a rough ride in her marital life. Things started brightly for her. She was a brilliant child and always topped her class in elementary school. She continued with her academic brilliance in middle and high school.
Thus, it was not a surprise when she got a scholarship to study at Yale University. After years of hard work and excellence, she graduated at the top of her class in medical school.
Samantha saw another boy who looked so much like her son Brian at school | Source: Shutterstock
As a doctor and orthopedic surgeon, Samantha was loved by her co-workers and patients. She had a way of making difficult things look easy, and it endeared her to many people.
However, while things were going fine in her career, she was not having it easy in her marriage. Her first marriage was to Luke Charming, who she met at Yale.
There was something about him that she just loved, and she always wanted to be with him. The feeling was mutual. There was no doubt they loved each other.
Hence, it was not a surprise when they tied the knot. Many of their friends and loved ones attended their wedding ceremony, which was almost carnival-like.
After six years of marriage, Luke and Samantha were yet to have a child. At first, it did not matter, but Luke became angry about the situation as time went on.
When the doctor told them Samantha could not get pregnant, he lost his mind. Samantha suggested they try other means, but he was not having any of it.
Samantha found love again three years later with Jeremy Miller, a photojournalist she met at a medical convention | Source: Pexels
Their communication levels dropped, and within three months of the doctor’s revelation, Luke filed for divorce. Samantha was heartbroken but remained hopeful.
She found love again three years later. This time, it was with Jeremy Miller, a photojournalist she met at a medical convention. They had an instant connection and started dating soon after their first meeting.
Samantha discovered Jeremy had an 8-year-old son, Brian. She and Brian bonded so sweetly and quickly became fond of each other.
She always took him to school whenever she stayed over at Jeremy’s place. Jeremy told her Brian’s mom died at childbirth and it made her love him even more.
Jeremy and Samantha tied the knot six months after they started dating. Unlike Samantha’s first marriage with Luke, their wedding ceremony was a more private and intimate affair.
Things seemed perfect for Jeremy and Samantha after tying the knot. Brian’s presence added spice to their relationship. Jeremy loved his son’s bond with his wife and felt lucky for marrying her.
There was something he had hidden from her since meeting her but he felt he could no longer tell her now that they were married for fear of losing her.
Samantha and Brian bonded so sweetly and quickly became fond of each other | Source: Pexels
The Christmas season arrived quickly and Samantha had everything planned out for an enjoyable experience. She loved the holiday season as a child and was keen to make it memorable for Brian.
Part of her schedule was to take him to school for the Christmas fair. She bought him a special costume for the fair and watched him proudly as he sauntered into the hall.
As she turned around, she saw another young boy, who looked just like Brian. They had similar facial features and physique, but the other boy could not walk very well.
An elderly woman with gray hair stood behind the other boy. Samantha was tempted to ask the woman about the boy but debated about it in her mind. Eventually, she spoke to the woman.
“Hi ma’am,” she said. “I don’t mean to disturb you, but your boy looks exactly like mine and I was wondering if it is just a coincidence.”
“Hmmmm,” the elderly woman sighed. “Do you have time to spare? Because this is going to be a long conversation.”
Samantha and the gray-haired woman went to a nearby cafe. The woman introduced herself as Meghan Louis. She said she was the grandma of the boy Samantha saw her with. “His name is Anderson and he was born a twin,” the elderly woman added.
An elderly woman with gray hair stood behind the boy who looked just like Brian | Source: Pexels
Samantha placed her hands on her mouth and gasped when she heard the woman’s words. The woman calmed her down and explained further.
She revealed Anderson’s mother gave birth to him and another son but died in childbirth. In addition, Anderson was born with a defect (one of his legs was shorter than the other, which caused him to limp), while the other boy was completely healthy.
Meghan revealed that Jeremy is Anderson’s father. After discovering his wife had died in labor, and one of his sons had a defect, he took the healthy child and abandoned Anderson.
The healthy child is Brian, who Jeremy raised, but he completely neglected Anderson. Meghan adopted Anderson and has been raising him since then.
When Meghan concluded her story, Samantha’s eyes filled with tears. She was speechless and found it difficult to believe how wicked Jeremy had been.
After the Christmas fair, she ran to Anderson and hugged him tightly. She introduced him to Brian and told the boys they were twin brothers.
After the Christmas fair, Samantha ran to Anderson and hugged him tightly | Source: Pexels
When Samantha got home that day, she was angry at Jeremy and told him he was a wicked man. He was confused, but when she narrated the whole story to him, he fell on the floor and cried.
This was what he had always wanted to tell her but could not bring himself to say for fear of losing her. Now, his old demons had come back to bite him.
Jeremy promised to reunite with his abandoned second son and build a relationship with him. However, Samantha said she could not continue with the marriage.
“How could you be so mean to a little child? The son of your wife, who died while bringing him to life!” Samantha asked Jeremy. “Oh, Jeremy! You are so mean. This marriage is over! Goodbye!” she concluded.
Samantha kept to her words and proceeded with the divorce. However, she kept in touch with Brian and Anderson. She built a relationship with Anderson and helped him get rid of his limp through her medical knowledge and physiotherapy.
Meanwhile, Jeremy, now very remorseful, met his abandoned son and apologized to him and Meghan. He introduced Brian to Anderson and told the boys about their mom.
Samantha never returned to Jeremy but dedicated herself to caring for his sons, whom she took as her own. She was fulfilled being in the boys’ presence and lived a happy life afterward.
Jeremy introduced Brian to Anderson and told the boys about their mom | Source: Pexels
What did we gain from this story?
- Don’t look down on people because of their present condition. Jeremy looked down on his son, Anderson, because of his defect and did not even allow himself to be a father to him. Later, he came to regret that decision.
- Be kind to others. Always be kind to others. Samantha exuded kindness and was disappointed at Jeremy for his meanness. Because of a single, wicked act, Jeremy lost the love of his life.
- The world is a small place. Be kind to everyone. One never knows what can happen in the future. The little help given to someone today can lead to great things someday. However, if one is mean to others, they will eventually reap their rewards.
Share this story with your friends. It might brighten their day and inspire them.
If you enjoyed this story, you might like this one about a grieving mom who meets a limping mute boy who looks exactly like her late son and takes a DNA test.
This account is inspired by our reader’s story and written by a professional writer. Any resemblance to actual names or locations is purely coincidental. All images are for illustration purposes only. Share your story with us; maybe it will change someone’s life.
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