For weeks, my neighbor’s underpants stole the spotlight outside my 8-year-old son’s window. When he naively questioned if her thongs were slingshots, I decided it was time to put an end to this panty parade and teach her a valuable lesson in laundry etiquette.
Ah, suburbia! The grass is usually greener on the other side, mostly because your neighbor’s sprinkler system is superior to yours. That’s where I, Thompson’s wife Kristie, opted to establish roots with my 8-year-old son Jake. Life was as smooth as a freshly botoxed forehead until Lisa, our new neighbor, came in next door.
It began on Tuesday. I remember because it was wash day, and I was folding a mountain of tiny superhero underwear, courtesy of Jake’s recent obsession.
Looking out his bedroom window, I almost choked on my coffee. A pair of hot pink, lace underwear flew in the breeze like the world’s most indecent flag.
And they were not alone. Oh no, they were not alone — a full rainbow of underpants was dancing in the breeze in front of my son’s window.
“Holy guacamole,” I muttered, dropping a pair of Batman briefs. “Is this a laundry line or Victoria’s Secret runway?”
Jake’s voice piped up behind me, “Mom, why does Mrs. Lisa have her underwear outside?”
My face burned hotter than my malfunctioning dryer. “Uh, sweetie. Mrs. Lisa just… really likes fresh air. Why don’t we close these curtains, huh? Give the laundry some privacy.”
“But Mom,” Jake persisted, his eyes wide with innocent curiosity, “if Mrs. Lisa’s underwear likes fresh air, shouldn’t mine go outside too? Maybe my Hulk undies could make friends with her pink ones!”
I held back a laugh that threatened to blossom into a wild sob. “Honey, your underwear is… shy. It prefers to stay inside where it’s cozy.”
As I ushered Jake out, I couldn’t resist thinking, “Welcome to the neighborhood, Kristie. Hope you brought your sense of humor and a sturdy pair of curtains.”
Days stretched into weeks, and Lisa’s laundry service became as routine as my daily coffee, and as welcoming as a cold cup of coffee with a splash of curdled milk.
Every day, a new set of panties appeared outside my son’s window, and I found myself playing the awkward game of “shield the child’s eyes.”
One afternoon, while I was cooking a snack in the kitchen, Jake burst in, his face etched with bewilderment and eagerness, making my mom-sense prickle with fear.
“Mom,” he started, in that tone that always preceded a question I wasn’t prepared for, “why does Mrs. Lisa have so many different colored underwear? And why are some of them so small? With strings? Are they for her pet hamster?”
I almost dropped the knife I was using to spread peanut butter, picturing Lisa’s response at being told her delicates were rodent-sized.
“Well, honey,” I stammered, buying time, “everyone has different preferences for their clothes. Even the ones we don’t usually see.”
Jake nodded sagely as if I’d imparted some great wisdom. “So, it’s like how I like my superhero underwear, but grown-up? Does Mrs. Lisa fight crime at night? Is that why her underwear is so small? For aerodynamics?”
I choked on air, caught between laughter and horror. “Uh, not exactly, sweetie. Mrs. Lisa isn’t a superhero. She’s just very confident.”
“Oh,” Jake replied, little disappointed. Then his face brightened up again.
“But Mom, if Mrs. Lisa can hang her underwear outside, can I hang mine too? I bet my Captain America boxers would look super cool flapping in the wind!”
“Sorry, buddy,” I said, ruffling his hair. “Your underwear is special. It needs to stay hidden to, uh, protect your secret identity.”
As Jake nodded and munched on his lunch, I looked out the window at Lisa’s colorful underwear display.
This could not continue on. It was time to talk with our exhibitionist neighbor. ?.
The following day, I marched over to Lisa’s place.
I rang the doorbell, flashing my best “concerned neighbor” smile, the same one I use to assure the HOA that “no, my garden gnomes are not offensive, they’re whimsical.”
Lisa responded, appearing as if she had just come out of a shampoo advertisement.
“Oh, hi there! Kristie, right?” she frowned.
“That’s right! Listen, Lisa, I hoped we could chat about something.”
She leaned against the doorframe, eyebrow raised. “Oh? What’s on your mind? Need to borrow a cup of sugar? Or maybe a cup of confidence?” She glanced pointedly at my mom jeans and oversized t-shirt.
I took a deep breath and reminded myself that jail orange is not my color. “It’s about your laundry. Specifically, where you hang it.”
Lisa’s flawlessly groomed brows furrowed. “My laundry? What about it? Is it too fashion-forward for the neighborhood?”
“Well, it’s just that it’s right in front of my son’s window. The, um, underwear especially. It’s a bit exposing. Jake’s starting to ask questions. Yesterday, he asked if your thongs were slingshots.”
“Oh, honey. They’re just clothes! It’s not like I’m hanging up nuclear launch codes. Although, between you and me, my leopard print bikini bottoms are pretty explosive!”
I felt my eye twitch. “I understand, but Jake is only eight. He’s curious. This morning, he asked if he could hang his Superman undies next to your, uh, ‘crime-fighting gear’.”
“Well, then, sounds like a perfect opportunity for some education. You’re welcome! I’m practically running a public service here. And why should I care about your son? It’s my yard. Toughen up!”
“Excuse me?”
Lisa waved her hand dismissively. “Listen, if you’re that bothered by a few pairs of panties, maybe you need to loosen up. It’s my yard, my rules. Deal with it. Or better yet, buy some cuter underwear. I could give you some tips if you’d like.”
And with that, she slammed the door in my face, leaving me standing there with my mouth open, likely gathering flies.
I was stunned. “Oh, it is ON,” I muttered, turning on my heel. “You want to play dirty laundry? Game on, Lisa. Game. On.” ?
That night, I sat at my sewing machine.
Yards of the most gaudy, eye-searing cloth I could locate sat before me. It was the type of cloth that could be seen from space and perhaps even attract alien life forms!
“You think your little lacy numbers are something to see, Lisa?” I muttered, feeding the fabric through the machine. “Wait till you get a load of this. E.T. will phone home about these babies.”
After hours, I finished creating the world’s largest and most irritating pair of granny panties. ?
They were large enough to serve as a parachute, loud enough to be heard from space, and just insignificant enough to prove my argument.
If Lisa’s underwear was a whisper, mine was a fabric-covered foghorn.
That afternoon, as soon as I saw Lisa’s car leave her driveway, I sprung into action.
With my improvised clothesline and gigantic flamingo underpants ready, I dashed across our lawns, ducking between plants and lawn ornaments.
With the coast clear, I hung my handiwork just in front of Lisa’s living room window. Stepping back to examine my work, I couldn’t help but smile.
The enormous flamingo undies fluttered gloriously in the afternoon air. They were so enormous that a family of four could certainly use them as a tent while camping.
“Take that, Lisa,” I whispered, scurrying back home. “Let’s see how you like a taste of your own medicine. Hope you brought your sunglasses, because it’s about to get BRIGHT in the neighborhood.”
Back at home, I took up a position beside the window. I felt like a kid waiting for Santa, but instead of gifts, I was waiting for Lisa to uncover my small surprise.
The minutes passed like hours.
Just as I was wondering if Lisa had chosen to turn her errands into a surprise holiday, I heard the familiar sound of her car approaching the driveway.
It’s show time.
Lisa stepped outside, arms full of shopping bags, and froze. Her mouth dropped so quickly, I thought it could detach. The bags slid from her fingers, scattering their contents across the driveway.
I swear I spotted a pair of polka-dot panties rolling across the yard. Lisa, you are so classy.
“WHAT THE HELL…??” she screeched, loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear. “Is that a parachute? Did the circus come to town?”
I burst into laughter. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I watched Lisa dash up to the enormous undies and grab at them futilely. It was like witnessing a chihuahua attempt to take down a Great Dane.
Composing myself, I strolled outside. “Oh, hi Lisa! Doing some redecorating? I love what you’ve done with the place. Very avant-garde.”
She whirled on me, face as pink as the undies of my creation. “You! You did this! What is wrong with you? Are you trying to signal aircraft?”
I shrugged. “Just hanging out some laundry. Isn’t that what neighbors do? I thought we were starting a trend.”
“This isn’t laundry!” Lisa shrieked, gesturing wildly at the undies. “This is… this is…”
“A learning opportunity?” I suggested sweetly. “You know, for the neighborhood kids. Jake was very curious about the aerodynamics of underwear. I thought a practical demonstration might help.”
Lisa’s mouth expanded and closed, like a fish out of water. Finally, she sputtered, “Take. It. Down.”
I tapped my chin thoughtfully. “Hmm, I don’t know. I kind of like the breeze it’s getting. Really airs things out, you know? Plus, I think it’s bringing the property values up. Nothing says ‘classy neighborhood’ like giant novelty underwear.”
For a moment, I thought Lisa might spontaneously combust. Then, to my surprise, her shoulders sagged. “Fine,” she said through gritted teeth. “You win. I’ll move my laundry. Just… please, take this monstrosity down. My retinas are burning.”
I chuckled, extending my hand. “Deal. But I have to say, I think flamingos are your color.”
As we shook on it, I couldn’t help but add, “By the way, Lisa? Welcome to the neighborhood. We’re all a little crazy here. Some of us just hide it better than others.”
Lisa’s laundry has been missing from the clothesline in front of Jake’s window since that day. She never addressed it again, and I never had to cope with her “life lessons” either.
And me? Let’s just say I now have a really unusual set of curtains made of flamingo fabric. Don’t waste, don’t want, right?
Jake was slightly bummed that the “underwear slingshots” were no longer available. But I informed him that sometimes being a superhero entails keeping your undergarments a secret. What if he ever sees huge flamingo undies flying through the sky? Mom is protecting the neighborhood with outrageous pranks! ?
Man Waits for Son He Has Not Seen in Years at the Airport, Does Not Find Boy among Passengers – Story of the Day
Arlene sent her seven-year-old, Justin, to visit his father, Pierce, in Orlando. Pierce waited for his son in anticipation of all the fun they would have, but his flight had allegedly arrived, and his son was nowhere to be found. That’s when both parents started worrying and realized their shocking mistake.
Arlene and her son, Justin, were at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport in Virginia. The seven-year-old was about to board a flight to Orland, Florida, where his father, Pierce, awaited him. It was the first time he had traveled as an unaccompanied minor, but luckily, the airline attendant made her feel safe.
“It’s going to be alright. Many minors travel alone around the country, and we should reach your husband in time,” she stated. “He’ll have an escort, and this flight is best because there are no connections. Everything will be perfect.”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Pexels
Arlene nodded, her face filled with emotion. Justin might be growing, but he was still a child. It was hard to let him go, mainly because he hadn’t seen his father in years. After their bitter divorce, Pierce moved from Virginia to Orlando, Florida, and he was busy most of the time.
“How is that possible?” Arlene wailed, almost starting to cry from the worry and exasperation. But something occurred to her at that moment. “Give me a second.”
However, his company had just given him a two-week vacation, and he invited Justin to come to spend time with him. They were going to the theme parks, so that Arlene couldn’t say no. Her son was too excited because he loved everything relating to superheroes and dinosaurs. It was his dream.
But now, she was almost regretting it. “Ok, Justin. You’re going to with this lady and get on the plane. Listen to the adults around. Don’t run off from your escort, and you’ll reach your dad soon. When you land in Orlando, you call me immediately. And then, call me again when you meet your father. Understand?” she requested, kneeling in front of the kid and holding his arms tenderly.
“Yes, Mom!” he replied, smiling and doing a makeshift military salute. This kid had a great sense of humor. He was going to love that trip.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Pexels
“Ok. Love you. Go on!” she continued and watched as Justin grabbed the attendant’s hand and entered the gate.
She thought about leaving but sat down at an airport café. She was going to wait for the plane to take off. But once she saw that the flight had taken off, she decided to stay and wait for Justin’s call if anything happened. After all, the flight was less than two hours long. The time would pass quickly.
***
Meanwhile, Pierce was waiting for Justin at Orlando International Airport, and he couldn’t wait. He was just as excited as the kid to see all the attractions at the park. It was crazy that he had lived in the city for years but had yet to attend. His work kept him way too busy. This trip was going to be amazing.
He arrived an hour before Justin’s flight and went to the arrival area to wait for him. Finally, the flight landed, and Pierce got closer to the gate so his son could see him immediately. “I should have made a sign,” he muttered to himself as he saw other people waiting for their loved ones. It was too late now. He stayed in the front at all times.
However, many passengers came out, and there was no Justin. According to the unaccompanied minor service, Arlene said that he would have top priority. So, someone should have brought him out already. He didn’t want to call her yet to avoid worrying her. Maybe, Justin had to go to the bathroom, which could explain the delay. He would wait for a while.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Pexels
But at one point, no other passengers were coming out of the arrival area. It had been an hour since the plane landed. It shouldn’t take that long. He approached someone from the airline and started asking questions. An attendant came to assist him.
“I’m sorry, sir. There was no one by the name of Justin on that flight. We have no record of an unaccompanied minor serviced hired for it either,” the attendant, shocking Pierce.
“That’s impossible. Please, check again,” he demanded, trying to stay calm, but the sweat on his forehead gave away his fears.
The assistant typed away on her computer, and Pierce’s phone rang. It was Arlene. Hopefully, she knew what was going on. “Hello?”
“Hey, Pierce. Why didn’t you guys call me when Justin arrived? I told him to call me when the plane landed and when you met with him,” Arlene wondered, and he could tell that she was agitated for some reason.
“Arlene, listen. I’m sorry to say this, but Justin has not arrived. An attendant here said that he was not on the flight. I don’t understand what’s going on,” he was forced to reveal, and Arlene yelled in his ear.
“No! That’s crazy! NO! Tell the attendant to check again!” she started yelling. “I’m going to talk to someone on my end too. I’m still at the airport.”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Pexels
“Ok. Listen, calm down. Everything will be alright. There must be a mix-up or something,” he said, trying to calm his ex-wife because he knew she was prone to hysterics.
“I’m not calming down! This is our child, Pierce! Talk to you later!” she screamed and hung up.
“Sir, like I said. There was no Justin on the flight. There’s nothing I can do. Are you sure this is the airline?” the attendant asked.
“Yes! It’s the only flight that arrived at this time from Virginia! My son was on that flight. My ex-wife just confirmed. Please, help me, miss. He’s only seven. Can you call anyone? Should I call the police?” Pierce started asking questions rapidly. The attendant sighed and grabbed her phone.
***
“Justin, where are you? Why didn’t you call me sooner? What’s happening?” Arlene asked desperately on her phone.
“Mom, we have been trying to find Dad for hours, and he’s nowhere. Did you talk to him?” the little boy said through the phone.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Pexels
“Your father is right at the arrival area. He’s just as worried as I am. Please, give the phone to your escort,” Arlene requested and demanded an explanation from the woman, who only reiterated what Justin said earlier. There was no Pierce anywhere in the airport.
She told them to wait until she called again and dialed her ex’s number. “Pierce, Justin called me and said they’ve been looking for you for a long time. What’s going on?” she said, one hand running through her hair in frustration. She knew Justin was safe, but there was no reason why they couldn’t find each other.
“There’s no way, Arlene. That’s impossible. People here are saying he was not on the flight!” Pierce stated.
“How is that possible?” Arlene wailed, almost starting to cry from the worry and exasperation. But something occurred to her at that moment. “Give me a second.”
She went to her emails where she had sent Pierce the flight details. However, she had written them instead of sending a screenshot, and she suddenly realized her big mistake. “Pierce,” she started, again putting the phone in her ear. “Where are you?”
“What do you mean? I’m at Orlando International Airport. Why?” Pierce questioned, confused by her words. But something clicked in his brain at that moment.
“Justin arrived at Orlando Sanford International Airport!” Arlene yelled, and Pierce took off in a run.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Pexels
“Jesus! Arlene, why didn’t you say that in your email! Most flights got to MCO!” he scolded her breathlessly as he ran to his car. “I’ll be there in 30 minutes!”
While Pierce was on his way, Arlene called Justin and explained to his escort what had happened. She was relieved too, and they waited for Pierce to arrive.
Less than an hour later, Justin called her. “I’m with Dad, Mom! Thank you for helping me! I’ll send you pics of Disney soon!”
Arlene hung up the phone with her son and breathed deeply as if she couldn’t get enough air in her lungs. Finally, she walked to her car.
What can we learn from this story?
- You must send all the details of a flight and check several times. These poor parents worried so much because they had not communicated well enough. Luckily, nothing happened, and they resolved the issue.
- It’s always best to fly with your kids. While an unaccompanied minor service is perfect for busy parents and other situations, Arlene should have traveled with her son if she was going to worry so much. She would have avoided worrying so much.
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If you enjoyed this story, you might like this one about a woman who adopted a boy she found on the side of the road, and his father showed up years later.
This account is inspired by our reader’s story and written by a professional writer. Any resemblance to actual names or locations is purely coincidental. All images are for illustration purposes only. Share your story with us; maybe it will change someone’s life.
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