Who brings their parents to a first date? My boyfriend from a dating app did. But what really got me was the list of OUTRAGEOUS DEMANDS his parents brought with them. I knew I’d have to outwit them… but on my own terms.
When I virtually met Jacob on a dating site several months ago, we hit it off instantly. The connection felt real — the kind that makes your heart skip a beat when you see a new message notification. I grew to think that he was “the one,” but then when we actually met… well, let’s just say reality has a way of shattering our perfectly crafted illusions.
A woman holding a phone | Source: Unsplash
Three months of late-night texts and hour-long video calls had built up to this moment. Jacob wasn’t just another match; he was different.
While most guys led with cheesy pickup lines or bland “hey” messages, he had caught my attention with a detailed comment about my profile photo taken at Comic-Con.
“Is that a handmade Scarlet Witch costume?” he’d written. “The detail work is incredible!”
From there, our conversations flowed naturally. He listened, really listened, when I talked about my work as a graphic designer and my dreams of starting my own studio.
A woman using a computer | Source: Midjourney
He shared my love for true crime podcasts and could quote every episode of my favorite shows by heart. When I mentioned my sister’s battle with depression, he opened up about his own experiences with anxiety.
“I feel like I can tell you anything,” he’d said during one of our video calls, his warm brown eyes crinkling at the corners. “I’ve never connected with someone like this before.”
“Me neither,” I’d admitted, feeling my cheeks flush. “Sometimes I worry this is too good to be true.”
He’d laughed then, running a hand through his dark hair. “I can’t wait to finally meet you in person. Friday at Coffee Beanz? 7 p.m.?”
A man using a laptop | Source: Pexels
“It’s a date! Finally!” I’d chirped, unable to contain my excitement.
“See you on Friday!” He said as I hung up, blushing.
I spent the entire week planning my outfit, finally settling on a gorgeous dress that my best friend Sarah insisted brought out my eyes.
“He won’t know what hit him,” she’d said, helping me style my hair.
Friday evening found me standing outside Coffee Beanz, smoothing down my dress for the hundredth time. Through the window, I could see couples enjoying their meals, soft candlelight flickering across their faces.
People in a cafe | Source: Unsplash
My hands were shaking slightly as I pushed open the heavy wooden door, the warm aroma of garlic and fresh bread enveloping me. My eyes nervously darted around in search of Jacob.
“Lia! Over here!”
I turned toward Jacob’s familiar voice, my practiced smile freezing on my face. There he sat, but not ALONE.
An older couple sat beside him, their faces beaming with smiles. My heart, which had been filled with excitement all day, sank to my stomach.
“Hey… um, hi, what’s going on?” I managed, my brain struggling to process the scene before me.
A shocked woman | Source: Pexels
Jacob stood up, his bright smile unchanged as if this was completely normal. “Lia, I’m so excited to finally meet you! These are my parents, Linda and Patrick!”
Linda, a petite woman with perfectly coiffed gray hair and gold earrings that probably cost more than my monthly rent, gave me a practiced smile that didn’t reach her eyes. Patrick, sporting a dress shirt that seemed a size too small for his frame, barely looked up from his menu.
“Sit down, girl,” Linda patted the chair next to her, not next to Jacob. “While we wait for our appetizers, I have a few questions for you.”
An older lady smiling | Source: Midjourney
I sank into the chair, still trying to make sense of this ambush. The waiter appeared with water glasses, and I found myself wishing it was something stronger.
That’s when Linda pulled out a crisp sheet of paper from her designer handbag.
“Now then,” she cleared her throat, clicking her gold-plated pen. “I’ve prepared a brief questionnaire to help us get to know you better. I want you to fill it out.”
Sheets of paper on a table | Source: Pexels
My eyes scanned the paper she placed before me, each question worse than the last:
1. What is your current annual income and five-year career projection?
2. Please list any medical conditions, including a family history of genetic disorders.
3. How many romantic partners have you had, and what were the reasons for those relationships ending?
4. Do you own or lease your vehicle? What is your credit score?
5. Are you willing to sign a prenuptial agreement?
6. Do you plan to work after having children? If so, who will provide childcare?
7. What is your stance on living with in-laws?
8. Are you willing to host special occasions like Thanksgiving & Christmas every year without expecting a penny from your partner?
A startled woman covering her mouth | Source: Pexels
The questions went on and on like a never-ending train carriage. My water glass stopped halfway to my mouth. “I’m sorry, but is this for real?”
“Of course it is, dear,” Linda replied, her tone suggesting I was being deliberately difficult. “Our family has certain standards to maintain. We need to ensure any potential partners for our Jacob are… suitable.”
My eyes darted to Jacob, waiting for him to jump in, to say this was all a joke. But he just sat there, examining his napkin as if it held the secrets of the universe.
A man sitting casually | Source: Midjourney
Something snapped inside me. Three months of building this connection, sharing hopes and fears, only to be treated like a job applicant? No. This called for a different approach.
“Would you excuse me for just a moment?” I smiled sweetly. “Ladies’ room.”
Instead of heading to the restroom, I ducked into the convenience store next door. Five minutes later, I returned with my own notebook and pen.
“Before I answer your questions,” I said, sitting down with renewed confidence, “I have a few of my own.”
A woman holding a piece of paper | Source: Pexels
Linda’s perfectly plucked eyebrows shot up in surprise as I placed the paper with my questions on the table. She picked it up and began reading loudly, her face speaking volumes of her anger.
“Question one: At what point did you realize your son wasn’t capable of choosing his own partner?”
Patricks’s face reddened. Jacob finally looked up from his napkin.
“Question two: How many women have actually completed your interrogation process? Or do most run screaming before the credit check?”
“This is completely inappropriate!” Linda’s voice pitched higher as she continued to read.
A furious older woman with a man | Source: Midjourney
“Question three: Do you also inspect their teeth like show horses, or is that saved for the second date?”
“Question four: When Jacob moves out of your basement, will you be requiring his future wife to submit weekly progress reports?”
“Question five: Have you considered therapy for your control issues, or is that too personal a question?”
“That’s enough!” Jacob slammed his hand on the table, making the silverware jump. “You have no right to disrespect my family like this!”
An angry man | Source: Midjourney
I leaned back, crossing my arms. “Oh, but they have every right to treat me like I’m applying for a position at the FBI?”
“My parents are just looking out for me,” he protested, his voice weak. “They want what’s best— “
“No, Jacob. What’s best for you would be growing a backbone and living your own life.”
Linda and Patrick were already gathering their things, faces flushed with indignation. Linda’s hands shook as she stuffed her questionnaire back into her bag.
“We’re leaving,” she announced. “Jacob, come on. She’s not the one for you.”
“Wait!” I called out, loud enough for nearby tables to turn. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”
Side shot of a woman | Source: Midjourney
They paused. “WHAT??”
“Waiter, these people are trying to leave without paying their bill!” I announced loudly, waving to the waiter. “Guess running out on checks is another proud family tradition!”
The restaurant had gone quiet. Linda’s hands shook as she pulled out her credit card, practically throwing it at the waiter. I stood up, smoothing my dress once again.
“Well, this has been entertaining. I’ll cover my water.” I placed a five-dollar bill on the table and turned to Jacob.
“Good luck finding someone who meets your family’s rigorous standards. Although, you might want to try job recruitment sites instead of dating apps. I hear they provide detailed background checks and references.”
A woman laughing | Source: Midjourney
As I walked out into the cool evening air, my phone buzzed with a message from Jacob, “You didn’t have to be so cruel. My parents were just looking out for me.”
I typed back, “Just looking out for myself, mama’s boy. Goodbye!”
Later that night, Sarah called to hear about the date. After I finished telling her everything, she was quiet for a moment.
“You know what?” she finally said. “I bet Linda has a spreadsheet ranking all of Jacob’s potential wives.”
We both burst out laughing, and I felt the last of my disappointment melt away. Dodged a bullet? Absolutely. And I’ve never been so grateful for a red flag wrapped in a questionnaire.
A woman walking away | Source: Midjourney
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
The Victorious Journey of Macaulay Culkin the Man Who Overcame Massive Difficulties
Macaulay Culkin is a figure that almost every child has engraved into their childhood memories due to the movie franchise Home Alone. The actor himself has been under the spotlight for almost all of his childhood and early adult years. Despite the many hardships he faced, he managed to get past them and build a happy life.
- Macaulay’s career didn’t start with Home Alone. Actually, the role of Kevin wasn’t even his first main role: the first main role he had was in Uncle Buck when he was only 8 years old.
- His father used to be a Broadway actor but when his children were born, he stepped down. When Macaulay was a baby, his family was really poor.
- The role of Kevin was almost given to a different boy. If he had gotten it, Kevin would have had dark hair (John Mulaney was asked to audition), and Macaulay’s life would have been much different. But thanks to his experience in Uncle Buck, Culkin was given the part.
- The first Home Alone movie got Macaulay the Best Young Actor Starring in a Motion Picture award and he earned $110,000. Just to compare: for the sequel, he earned $4.5 million.
- Of course, this wasn’t easy for Macaulay. He said that he just wanted to rest. In his parents’ apartment, he didn’t even have his own bed, let alone his own room.
- Culkin was one of the most famous children in the world — he was in the second position on the list of the 100 Greatest Kid Stars.
- His father was really bossy. His mother stayed at home with the other kids and his father went to the shoots with Macaulay. He totally controlled the career of this young star. During the process, Macaulay says, his father wouldn’t let him sleep and made him practice his lines.
In 1994, Macaulay Culkin did his last film and then he stopped working in the movie industry. He was going to continue studying at school since, before, he had to stop studying because he was working. By that time, he had appeared in 15 movies in just 7 years — not even adult actors can handle this much work. And the movies released after Home Alone were really heavily criticized, especially The Good Son.
- Soon after Macaulay stopped acting, his parents broke up and started suing each other over custody. He decided to take his parents’ names off his trust fund and find an executor that would make sure the 2 of them wouldn’t take any of his money.
- Before coming of age, Macaulay didn’t even know how much money he had earned. His parents made sure he didn’t know all the details of his contracts. Macaulay says, “When I turned 18, I sat down in my accountant’s office, it was basically the day where he put down a piece of paper in front of me and said this is how much you’re worth. It was interesting because it was one of these moments where it was like, I felt like this little boy had worked really hard and I inherited all of his money. I felt like I inherited this money in some odd way.”
- Macaulay first married in 1998. He and his wife were 18 years old. Rachel Miner was also an actress. The marriage didn’t last long and in 2000, they broke up. 2 years later, they got an official divorce.
- In 2002, Macaulay started dating Mila Kunis. Their relationship lasted for 8 years, and they didn’t really make it public. Mila later said that it was really hard to keep their relationship a secret because Macaulay’s fans were really amazed when they saw him with a girl on the street. The break-up was hard for both of them.
- After his split from Kunis, it seemed that Culkin had pretty much given up on love. That was until 2017, when he met Brenda Song while filming Changeland. The film’s director, Seth Green, would later go on to say that he “didn’t see [their relationship] coming.” But Brenda and Macaulay hit it off very quickly, it especially helped that the 2 were both child stars and they bonded over that fact. As Song explained: “Child actors, we don’t even get to talk about it, you just look each other in the eye, and you nod, and we know.”
- “People don’t realize how incredibly kind and loyal and sweet and smart he is,” Brenda says. “Truly what makes Mack so special is that he is so unapologetically Mack. He knows who he is, and he’s 100 percent okay with that. He’s worked really hard to be the person he is.”
- Just about a year after Macaulay and Brenda started going out, Culkin shared that he’s in for the long haul with his newfound love. He made it especially clear that he can’t wait to become a parent with her: “This one’s a good one, so I’m probably going to put some babies in her in a little bit.”
- And while babies were still in development, the happy couple surrounded themselves with pets, to have someone fill the household. By 2020, Macaulay and Brenda shared 2 cats, a dog, a fish, and a parrot.
- In 2021, Macaulay took part in American Horror Story. He plays one of the main roles in season 10 and his work has gotten a lot of very good reviews.
- He made a splash when he appeared in a Gucci show. He looks great at the age of 41 and he finally feels great.
- “Yeah, I’m a homebody,” he says. “It’s where these 2 former child stars, one still working as much as she can, the other not so sure, just want to be. With each other, doing whatever.”
Have you seen any works by Culkin other than Home Alone? Would you like to see him back on the screen and what roles would you like him to play?
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