I was stunned when my husband, Jake, handed me a schedule to help me “become a better wife.” But instead of blowing up, I played along. Little did Jake know, I was about to teach him a lesson that would make him rethink his newfound approach to marriage.
I’ve always prided myself on being the level-headed one in our marriage. Jake, bless his heart, could get swept up in things pretty easily, whether it was a new hobby, or some random YouTube video that promised to change his life in three easy steps.
But we were solid until Jake met Steve. Steve was the type of guy who thought being loudly opinionated made him right, the type that talks right over you when you try to correct him.
He was also a perpetually single guy (who could have guessed?), who graciously dispensed relationship advice to all his married colleagues, Jake included. Jake should’ve known better, but my darling husband was positively smitten with Steve’s confidence.
I didn’t think much of it until Jake started making some noxious comments.
“Steve says relationships work best when the wife takes charge of the household,” he’d say. Or “Steve thinks it’s important for women to look good for their husbands, no matter how long they’ve been married.”
I’d roll my eyes and reply with some sarcastic remark, but it was getting under my skin. Jake was changing. He’d arch his eyebrows if I ordered takeout instead of cooking, and sigh when I let the laundry pile up because, God forbid, I had my own full-time job.
And then it happened. One night, he came home with The List.
He sat me down at the kitchen table, unfolded a piece of paper, and slid it across to me.
“I’ve been thinking,” he started, his voice dripping with a condescending tone I hadn’t heard from him before. “You’re a great wife, Lisa. But there’s room for improvement.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Oh really?”
He nodded, oblivious to the danger zone he was entering. “Yeah. Steve helped me realize that our marriage could be even better if you, you know, stepped up a bit.”
I stared at the paper in front of me. It was a schedule… and he’d written “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife” at the top in bold.
This guy had actually sat down and mapped out my entire week based on what Steve — a single guy with zero relationship experience — thought I should do to “improve” myself as a wife.
I was supposed to wake up at 5 a.m. every day to make Jake a gourmet breakfast. Then I’d hit the gym for an hour to “stay in shape.”
After that? A delightful lineup of chores: cleaning, laundry, ironing. And that was all before I left for work. I was supposed to cook a meal from scratch every evening and make fancy snacks for Jake and his friends when they came over to hang out at our place.
The whole thing was sexist and insulting on so many levels I didn’t even know where to start. I ended up staring at him, wondering if my husband had lost his mind.
“This will be great for you, and us,” he continued, oblivious.
“Steve says it’s important to maintain structure, and I think you could benefit from —”
“I could benefit from what?” I interrupted, my voice dangerously calm. Jake blinked, caught off guard by the interruption, but he recovered quickly.
“Well, you know, from having some guidance and a schedule.”
I wanted to throw that paper in his face and ask him if he’d developed a death wish. Instead, I did something that surprised even me: I smiled.
“You’re right, Jake,” I said sweetly. “I’m so lucky that you made me this schedule. I’ll start tomorrow.”
The relief on his face was instant. I almost felt sorry for him as I got up and stuck the list on the fridge. Almost. He had no idea what was coming.
The next day, I couldn’t help but smirk as I studied the ridiculous schedule again. If Jake thought he could hand me a list of “improvements,” then he was about to find out just how much structure our life could really handle.
I pulled out my laptop, opened up a fresh document, and titled it, “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever.” He wanted a perfect wife? Fine. But there was a cost to perfection.
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I began by listing all the things he had suggested for me, starting with the gym membership he was so keen on. It was laughable, really.
“$1,200 for a personal trainer.” I typed, barely containing my giggle.
Next came the food. If Jake wanted to eat like a king, that wasn’t happening on our current grocery budget. Organic, non-GMO, free-range everything? That stuff didn’t come cheap.
“$700 per month for groceries,” I wrote. He’d probably need to chip in for a cooking class too. Those were pricey, but hey, perfection wasn’t free.
I leaned back in my chair, laughing to myself as I imagined Jake’s face when he saw this. But I wasn’t done. Oh no, the pièce de résistance was still to come.
See, there was no way I could juggle all these expectations while holding down my job. If Jake wanted me to dedicate myself full-time to his absurd routine, then he’d have to compensate for the loss of my income.
I pulled up a calculator, estimating the value of my salary. Then, I added it to the list, complete with a little note: “$75,000 per year to replace Lisa’s salary since she will now be your full-time personal assistant, maid, and chef.”
My stomach hurt from laughing at this point.
And just for good measure, I threw in a suggestion about him needing to expand the house. After all, if he was going to have his friends over regularly, they’d need a dedicated space that wouldn’t intrude on my newly organized, impossibly structured life.
“$50,000 to build a separate ‘man cave’ so Jake and his friends don’t disrupt Lisa’s schedule.”
By the time I was done, the list was a masterpiece. A financial and logistical nightmare, sure, but a masterpiece nonetheless. It wasn’t just a counterattack — it was a wake-up call.
I printed it out, set it neatly on the kitchen counter, and waited for Jake to come home. When he finally walked through the door that evening, he was in a good mood.
“Hey, babe,” he called out, dropping his keys on the counter. He spotted the paper almost immediately. “What’s this?”
I kept my face neutral, fighting the urge to laugh as I watched him pick it up. “Oh, it’s just a little list I put together for you,” I said sweetly, “to help you become the best husband ever.”
Jake chuckled, thinking I was playing along with his little game. But as he scanned the first few lines, the grin started to fade. I could see the wheels turning in his head, the slow realization that this wasn’t the lighthearted joke he thought it was.
“Wait… what is all this?” He squinted at the numbers, his eyes widening as he saw the total costs. “$1,200 for a personal trainer? $700 a month for groceries? What the hell, Lisa?”
I leaned against the kitchen island, crossing my arms.
“Well, you want me to wake up at 5 a.m., hit the gym, make gourmet breakfasts, clean the house, cook dinner, and host your friends. I figured we should budget for all of that, don’t you think?”
His face turned pale as he flipped through the pages. “$75,000 a year? You’re quitting your job?!”
I shrugged. “How else am I supposed to follow your plan? I can’t work and be the perfect wife, right?”
He stared at the paper, dumbfounded.
The numbers, the absurdity of his own demands, it all hit him at once. His smugness evaporated, replaced by a dawning realization that he had seriously, seriously messed up.
“I… I didn’t mean…” Jake stammered, looking at me with wide eyes. “Lisa, I didn’t mean for it to be like this. I just thought —”
“You thought what? That I could ‘improve’ myself like some project?” My voice was calm, but the hurt behind it was real. “Jake, marriage isn’t about lists or routines. It’s about respect. And if you ever try to ‘fix’ me like this again, you’ll be paying a hell of a lot more than what’s on that paper.”
Silence hung in the air, thick and uncomfortable. Jake’s face softened, his shoulders slumping as he let out a deep sigh.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t realize how ridiculous it was. Steve made it sound sensible, but now I see it’s… it’s toxic. Oh God, I’ve been such a fool.”
I nodded, watching him carefully. “Yes, you have. Honestly, have you looked at Steve’s life? What makes you think he has the life experience to give you advice about marriage? Or anything else?”
The look on his face as my words hit home was priceless.
“You’re right. And he could never afford to live like this.” He slapped the list with the back of his hand. “He… he has no idea about the costs involved, or how demeaning this is. Oh, Lisa, I got carried away again, didn’t I?”
“Yes, but we’ll recover. Now, let’s tear that paper up and go back to being equals.”
He smiled weakly, the tension breaking just a little. “Yeah… let’s do that.”
We ripped up the list together, and for the first time in weeks, I felt like we were back on the same team.
Maybe this was what we needed, a reminder that marriage isn’t about one person being “better” than the other. It’s about being better together.
Remembering the Stars Who Have Died Since Appearing on ‘Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew’
Since the VH1 reality show’s 2008 debut, twelve of its alumni have passed away.
Celebrity Rehab was founded by Dr. Drew Pinsky to counter the tabloids’ depiction of addiction, according to a 2009 New York Times article on the set of the show. Pinsky, 65, was first opposed to the concept of receiving treatment on television. Following the premiere of the first season of the show, the addiction medicine expert told PEOPLE about his friend, counselor Bob Forrest, who persuaded him to get treatment: “He said, ‘I am so tired of people talking about rehab who have no idea what they’re talking about.’” They are unaware of the struggles and addictions that celebrities face.
The VH1 series, which ran from 2008 to 2011, featured a number of celebrities addressing their substance misuse problems in the Pasadena Recovery Center in California with Pinsky. Celebrity Rehab featured prominent artists, actresses, sports, TV celebrities, models, and more throughout the course of five seasons. Regretfully, following their performances on the reality show, twelve celebrities have passed away. Let’s examine their lives in more detail and how they openly discussed their difficulties in an effort to assist others.
If substance misuse is a problem for you or someone you know, please call the SAMHSA helpline at 1-800-662-HELP. Please call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741741, or visit 988lifeline.org if you or someone you know is thinking about taking their own life.
Dim-witted Shellshock
It’s funny how life tricks us, isn’t it? The frontman of Crazy Town, who was well-known for being insane both on stage and, regrettably, off, died in June 2024 at the age of 49. Shifty went in and out of dangerous circumstances during his career, including comas and DUI accusations. It was heartbreakingly obvious how much cocaine and medications affected him. “If I kept at it, I was going to die,” he once said to PEOPLE. My goal is to remain sober.
Tom Sizemore
On March 3, 2023, Tom Sizemore, the guy whose Golden Globe-nominated performances could have you riveted to the screen, passed away. His struggle with drug usage was more tragic than amusing. Paul, his brother, said, “He was bigger than life.” More than anyone I know, he has impacted my life. I am heartbroken by his passing and will always mourn him.
Frankie Lons
Every child’s worst dread is to watch their own mother battle addiction before giving in to it. Frankie Lons, the mother of Keyshia Cole, had a turbulent life. What a horrible irony it was that she died on her own birthday. The emotional Instagram post from Elite Noel, her daughter, stated it all: “My mother in a body bag on her birthday is the worst anguish I have ever experienced! My heart ached so much.
Kitaen Tawny
At the age of 59, actress and ’80s star Tawny Kitaen passed away quietly at her Newport Beach home. Her children Wynter and Raine verified their grief with a statement, “You gave her life every day,” following her diagnosis of dilated cardiomyopathy. We love and miss her, and we are aware that her legacy will endure forever.
McKibbin, Nikki
Do you recall Nikki McKibbin from the inaugural season of American Idol? She was generous enough to give her organs before she went away at the age of 42 from a brain aneurysm. Craig, her spouse, put it poetically: “Even in the end, she is still giving.” An appropriate homage to a giving person.
Jason Davis
At the age of 35, the voice actor that embodied a character in Disney’s Recess passed away from fentanyl overdose. His mother remembered him as a season 4 participant who “had a true heart of gold with such a zest for life.”
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Chyna
On April 17, 2016, Chyna, a formidable WWE performer, passed away. The mixture of drugs in her system was the accidental offender. Her life served as an example of publicly facing one’s inner problems while clinging to hope.
Mindy McCready
On February 17, 2013, Mindy McCready, a country music vocalist with a beautiful voice, suddenly passed away. She dealt with alcohol and opioid addictions on the show, and her end was clouded in sadness following the suicide of her boyfriend. A terrible domino effect.
Joey Kovar
Joey Kovar, a reality star from The Real World: Hollywood, passed away suddenly at the age of 29. A life that appeared to be headed toward happiness was ended by opioid abuse. With regret, his brother remarked, “He had turned into such a happy person.” I’m still not really clear what transpired.
Rodney King
On June 17, 2012, the civil rights activist passed away at the age of 47. King’s stress from the vicious assault he suffered in 1991 at the hands of LAPD cops drove him to battle substance usage. Alcohol, marijuana, PCP, and cocaine all had a nasty part in his death; he was discovered drowning in his swimming pool.
Jeff Conaway
The well-known face of Grease actor Jeff Conaway concealed personal troubles. On May 27, 2011, the man who lighted up Broadway and little theaters alike passed away. He battled his addictions all the way to the end, but his job and the people in his life gave him comfort.
Mike Starr
To wrap up this solemn homage, on March 8, 2011, Alice in Chains’ Mike Starr overdosed on prescription drugs. Friends, family, and fans came together for an open memorial service in Seattle to honor a life that inspires people via music.
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