Fearing for their children’s futures, parents search for universal parenting techniques that will put their kids on the route to a prosperous job and a happy life. But times are changing, and the old principles of success are no longer relevant. Sometimes, parents’ actions, intended to be helpful, can actually create challenges for their children’s future.
1. Not allowing their kid to fail
Perfectionist parent often strives for perfection themselves, leading them to expect increasing levels of perfection from their child as they grow older — from the child’s artwork never being good enough to their bed not being made perfectly or not studying hard enough. The child faces constant criticism and reprimands but is never allowed to learn from their mistakes. Children of perfectionist parents may grow up to be perfectionists themselves or develop low self-esteem and lack confidence. Both outcomes can negatively impact their future careers.
- Anna’s mother always compared her to Mary, saying, “Look how tidy Mary is compared to you, Anna!” Despite Anna’s efforts to emulate Mary, she never measured up, and her mother’s criticism only intensified. Anna’s mother never allowed her the chance to improve her habits and learn basic skills. Now at 25 years old, Anna still compares herself to others and always comes up short in her own eyes. Needless to say, this constant comparison has taken a toll on her self-esteem.
2. Paying a child for good grades
This topic remains a subject of debate, but consider this perspective: imagine yourself as a contractor continually paying more for a product or service, with the child as the supplier providing it in exchange for money or rewards. It doesn’t sound like a good idea, does it?
- Alexandra’s parents sought to motivate their daughter to excel in her studies by offering money as an incentive. Initially, Alexandra’s grades improved, suggesting the approach was effective. However, her parents later discovered that she had been fabricating stories about an imaginary illness and sharing them with her teachers. She even falsely claimed that her parents constantly criticized her for poor grades. The sympathetic teacher then raised Alexandra’s grades out of pity. Following this incident, Alexandra’s parents discontinued the practice of paying for grades and sought guidance from a child psychologist.
3. Preventing their child from expressing their feelings
Sometimes, adults dismiss a child’s feelings as wrong — insisting that bruises don’t hurt, feeling anger toward a child who hit them is shameful, or being sad even with a valid reason is incorrect. Parents often do this with good intentions, wanting to teach their children proper behavior. However, it’s crucial to recognize that a fundamental skill for modern individuals is the ability to acknowledge and manage their feelings, emotions, and needs.
- Kate, now 37, vividly remembers how her mother forced her to give away her beloved doll to another girl, admonishing her for being “greedy” and scolding her for getting upset over a “stupid toy.” Kate never got her doll back. Over the years, she has worked hard to assert herself, learning to say “no” to demanding people, including her boss and coworkers. Despite this, Kate often feels guilty whenever she refuses to comply with their requests.
4. Failing to support their child in front of strangers
Every child needs the assurance that their parents will stand up for them in any conflict, regardless of the situation, and won’t blindly trust the words of authority figures like teachers, principals, or neighbors. When parents allow their children to speak up for themselves when they are ready to take responsibility for their actions, it helps them develop healthy self-esteem and a sense of personal accountability.
- Maggy was raised by her grandmother, who often said, “But what will other people think?” Although her grandmother loved Maggy and wanted the best for her, she constantly emphasized the importance of public opinion. As a result, Maggy struggles to make her own decisions and even relies on her friends’ opinions when choosing something as simple as dessert.
5. Drawing inspiration and comparing to successful people
Each generation has its own set of heroes whom young people aspire to emulate. In recent decades, the tales of personal success from wealthy and influential individuals have become widespread. However, it’s not as simple as learning their life story and achieving happiness. If it were that easy, everyone who reads their books would have solved all their financial problems by now.
- Alex developed a passion for computers from a young age. Inspired by the story of Steve Jobs that his dad shared with him, Alex immersed himself in learning everything about Apple. When it came time to choose a university, Alex initially believed he didn’t need higher education because Steve Jobs succeeded without it. Eventually, Alex realized the importance of education for his path and pursued college to advance his career. Now, Alex jokes, “What worked for Steve Jobs is just a waste of time for an ordinary guy like me.”
6. Pressuring their child to decide on their future career
The notion that a person should stick to one career for their entire life is likely outdated and impractical. Many modern occupations didn’t exist a decade ago, while others have already become obsolete.
- Since childhood, Max had a passion for exploring computers and understanding various software programs. Despite his parents’ concerns, he pursued this interest and eventually discovered online courses in software testing. Now, he is thriving in this field, leveraging his potential and skills.
- Laura, at 37, worked as a sociologist for a major consulting firm but found it challenging to maintain her career after having her son. During maternity leave, she rediscovered her love for photography. Starting with unique photos of her child, Laura progressed to offering photoshoots for friends’ and acquaintances’ kids. Over time, she opened her photo studio. Laura now earns as much as her husband and successfully manages her professional life while caring for her family. This shift exemplifies the evolving nature of careers and the importance of embracing new opportunities.
7. Arguing about money
Since children may absorb long-lasting messages from these circumstances, it’s crucial to avoid arguing about money or other matters in front of them. Instead of one-on-one conflicts, which can cause youngsters to take sides and become distressed, talks should be led in a way that promotes involvement.
- Chris grew up witnessing his parents argue about money. When he went to college at 17 and moved away, he struggled with managing his finances and spending on unnecessary items. He now fears starting relationships, believing that money is the root cause of his sadness.
8. Prohibiting the child from using social networks
Social networks have become today’s equivalent of the yards and neighborhoods where we used to play as children. Kids can learn valuable skills through computer programs integrated with social media platforms. While parents should remind their kids about online safety rules, depriving children of this experience can be harsh.
- Aria’s mother was surprised to discover that her 10-year-old daughter had learned to create cool videos. Even more surprising was the realization that Aria had learned this skill from using TikTok. Now, creating short videos has become a family hobby for them.
9. Teaching the kid that they have the stuff at home
Many of us recall times when we asked our parents to buy us things, only to hear, “We already have that at home; we don’t need it.” Some parents repeatedly expose their children to such situations, unintentionally discouraging them from getting what they truly need. This pattern can significantly impact their financial habits as adults. On the other hand, constantly satisfying a child’s every need can also have negative effects.
- Jan’s mother often tells him they have things at home and they don’t buy them from the store. Jan has learned to overlook his needs, and with each subsequent request, he withdraws more, knowing not to ask. When Jan grows up and earns his income, money will go towards trivial things because that’s how he’s learned to live.
10. Preventing children from getting into conflicts
The ability to engage with others is perhaps one of the most crucial professional skills one can possess. It’s important not only to help children make friends but also to teach them how to engage in healthy arguments. People often hold differing opinions, and there are various ways to express emotions. The sooner children grasp this concept, the easier their interactions with others will be, including in professional settings.
- Michaela spent her life avoiding conflicts, preferring to agree with others rather than engage in disputes. She believed that someone always had to be the “smarter” one, but this approach proved more harmful than beneficial. One day, Michaela learned about active listening and decided to apply this approach in her professional life. She excelled at paying attention to others’ perspectives while also expressing her feelings when others attempted to take advantage of her. Initially, people found her communication style unconventional, but conflicts with coworkers became more constructive, leading to mutually beneficial resolutions.
11. Helping their child learn to save money
The world is always changing, and old ways of making or saving money might not work anymore. We can’t predict what skills will be valuable in the future economy. That’s why it’s important to teach kids to be flexible and ready for change, not just to save money.
- Emily’s grandfather saved money his whole life “just in case.” But when that “case” finally happened, a financial meltdown made all his investments lose value. Emily saw this while growing up, and now she’s worried the economy could collapse at any time. She believes the best investment is in her skills and knowledge.
12. Trying to build a strong character with the help of sports
While there’s a widespread belief that sports are beneficial for discipline and character development, excessive competitiveness in professional sports can be detrimental to a child’s physical and mental health. This competitiveness can be fueled by both fellow young athletes and coaches. Only a few individuals become champions, and coaches often prioritize these select few, neglecting the rest of the team. Coping with this unfair treatment at a young age can lead to low self-esteem and confusion about alternative life paths if a child must stop playing sports.
- Tom’s mother pursued rhythmic gymnastics as a child but had to abandon her Olympic dreams due to a leg injury. When Tom was three, his mother enrolled him in gymnastics classes, hoping he would excel. However, Tom struggled in this sport, leading him to lose interest in school, feel like a failure, and struggle to identify his strengths. Now, Tom is studying to become a child psychologist to help parents navigate the challenges of raising children without making the same mistakes.
Being protective of your children is natural, but it’s important to set boundaries. Respecting their privacy is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship and their personal development. Violating their privacy can have serious negative effects, especially on their mental health.
My Husband Raced to the Dump After I Tossed His Old Attic Jacket — I Was Stunned When I Learned Why
Cleaning the attic was supposed to be an ordinary task until my husband went ballistic thinking I’d thrown away a torn-down jacket. That clothing item ended up unraveling the truth about something he was doing behind my back. And that led to something I never expected in all my life!
It was a crisp fall afternoon when I decided it was finally time to tackle the attic. For years, it had been a catch-all for everything from holiday decorations to old clothes that hadn’t seen the light of day in decades. I’d been meaning to clean it out for ages, but what I found in it led to me becoming a single woman after years of marriage…
Like everything else in life, cleaning the attic kept getting pushed down the list. My husband, Jeff, had mentioned before that most of the stuff up there was junk anyway. In fact, just last year, he told me his old high school jacket, now sitting forgotten in a pile of boxes, should go straight to the dump.
With that in mind, I started pulling things out, one by one. A broken lamp, boxes of our now-grown kids’ school projects, and, of course, Jeff’s old jacket. I barely glanced at it before tossing it into the pile meant for the dump.
It was faded and torn in a few places, and it smelled like it had been trapped in a musty attic for years. Not exactly a sentimental keepsake, right?
That evening, we sat down for dinner, the kind of normal weeknight meal where we barely had time to talk before cleaning up and moving on with the night. The air smelled like roasted chicken, but my husband of twenty years was oddly quiet.
He picked at his food for a while before I broke the silence.
“I cleaned out the attic today,” I said casually, trying to start a lighthearted conversation between us. “Threw out a bunch of our old junk.”
Jeff froze. His fork stopped halfway to his mouth before he dropped it onto the plate with a clatter.
“What JUNK?” he asked, his voice rising sharply, eyes wide like I’d just told him the house was on fire.
“Just some old stuff from the attic. Why?” I tried to keep my tone light, but the way his expression shifted had me worried.
Without another word, my husband immediately pushed back his chair, nearly knocking it over in his haste to get upstairs. I stayed behind, confused by his sudden panic. I heard him rummaging through boxes, muttering to himself.
Moments later, he came storming downstairs, fists clenched at his sides.
“Where’s my old school jacket?” His voice was dangerously low, with an edge to it I hadn’t heard before. He looked like he was ready to punch the walls!
I blinked at him, trying to figure out why he cared so much.
“I probably tossed it,” I said. “It was in a pile of stuff for the dump.”
The color literally drained from his face, and I could almost see the pulse pounding in his temple!
“You THREW it away?” he growled, his voice shaking with barely-contained fury. “I told you to throw away the junk, not that jacket!”
I stood there, dumbfounded. “Jeff, last year you said that jacket was trash… literally said it belonged in the dump!”
He let out a bitter laugh that sent chills down my spine.
“Well, guess what? The day I married YOU was a curse!”
His words hit me like a punch to the gut! And before I could respond, he stormed out of the house, grabbed his car keys, and peeled out of the driveway.
For a second, I was too shocked to move! But then something told me to follow him. Grabbing my purse, I jumped into my car and raced after him, my heart pounding. Where could he possibly be going in such a rage?
When I saw him pull into the entrance of the local dump, it all started to click into place!
The jacket. He was here to find that old jacket. But why? There had to be something more to it than just nostalgia. And what the hell did he mean that marrying me was a “curse?”
But soon enough, I’d find out what was in that jacket and why it would wreck our marriage…
I parked and hurried after him, catching sight of my husband frantically searching through piles of trash. I’d never seen him like this before… so on edge, so wild! My heart raced as I approached him.
“Jeff, what is going on? Why are you doing this?” I demanded, my voice trembling now.
He stopped digging, turning to face me, his face pale.
“Because, Stacy,” he spat, “I was saving money. Fifty thousand dollars. For us… to buy a new house.”
I took a step back, trying to process what he was saying. Fifty thousand? In an old, ratty jacket?
But then his words echoed in my head. “For US.” I didn’t believe it. Something felt wrong… really wrong.
“Why didn’t you tell me about this?”
“I didn’t think I had to!” he snapped, returning to his desperate search. “I was going to surprise you. Now it’s all gone BECAUSE of you!”
Back then, I had no idea what he was actually doing behind my back and that there was more to the money he’d saved!
I went with his lie.
I watched him sift through heaps of trash, his hands filthy, and something inside me twisted. Despite desperately wanting to believe him, his story wasn’t adding up. But I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. We never found the jacket that night. Eventually, after hours of searching, Jeff slumped down in defeat.
He wouldn’t even look at me.
We drove home in our separate cars, and I was silent as I continued contemplating my husband’s actions and statements. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was deeply wrong. After we got home, Jeff went straight to the bedroom without a word.
I sat on the couch, staring at the wall, my mind racing. What was it about that jacket? Why was he acting like this? Was there really money in the jacket?
An hour passed, and I heard my husband’s voice, low and hushed, from the bedroom. I crept up to the door, leaning close enough to hear his words through the thin walls.
“I don’t have the money anymore,” Jeff was saying. “That useless woman threw it out with the jacket!”
My breath caught in my throat…
“No, I wasn’t saving it for me and her,” he continued. “It was for the house… for US, like we said.”
My blood turned to ice. “US?” He wasn’t talking about me. He was talking about someone else!
I pushed open the door, unable to hold back my anger any longer!
“WHO are you talking to, Jeff?”
His face went pale as he turned to face me, phone still in hand. “Stacy… I…”
“No,” I said, cutting him off. “Who were you going to buy a house with?”
He didn’t answer, just stared at me, his mouth opening and closing like a fish gasping for air.
But I didn’t NEED him to answer. I already knew. There was someone else. Someone who had been waiting for that fifty thousand dollars.
“I’m filing for divorce,” I said, my voice calm and steady. “The kids and everyone is going to find out the truth about who you really are. You called me useless to your mistress, Jeff…”
It was the only thing that made sense now.
Jeff’s face twisted in anger, but I didn’t stay to hear his excuses. I walked out and didn’t look back.
A month after the divorce, I found myself back in the attic since I’d won the house in our filing. The chaos of the last few weeks had kept me from returning, but I needed to get my old sewing machine for a project I’d started.
As I sifted through boxes, my hand brushed against something soft… something familiar.
There, at the bottom of a box I had somehow missed, was Jeff’s old jacket.
I froze, pulling it out and staring at it in disbelief. I hadn’t thrown it away after all!
With trembling hands, I checked the inside pocket, and there it was… the fifty thousand dollars, neatly folded, exactly where he had hidden it!
But this time, there was no rush to tell anyone. No need to share. Jeff had made his choices, and now I was making mine. I kept the money, my heart racing at the thought of what it meant for my future.
This time, it was my secret to keep…
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